I was born in Mainland China. Growing up there, I had no Christian background in my entire family, and received twelve years of education that had a strong atheistic and communistic foundation. The secular worldview and lifestyle had been rooted in almost every area of my life. Religion has always been a mysterious and even forbidden topic in China, while school and media taught me that my future is created and controlled by my own hands. Moreover, the “one child” generation, of which I am a part, created an even stronger atmosphere of individualism and self-centeredness. For so long I was convinced that I need not and should not truly trust anyone, because everybody is on his own, and everyone must pursue and maintain his own self-interest in order to survive and succeed. This philosophy led me to a lifestyle centered entirely on myself, yet without boundaries. Knowing that my ultimate goal was to pursue my own success, I was willing to pay anything for it. I envied almost anyone around me. I lied to my friends and my parents. I cheated in order to earn myself benefits. I tricked other people so that my own goals could be achieved. I also made efforts to obtain happiness, naively thinking that sensual satisfaction meant true happiness. I drank a lot and spent a lot of time in pubs, hoping that the laughter alcohol brought me were genuine, and believing that my mind would follow what my body desired. In Fall 2008, when I started my new college life almost ten thousand miles away in Berkeley, I hoped that without parental intervention, I would be able to pursue my pleasures more recklessly and more wildly.

However, things started to change in me in an unexpected way. I can still vividly remember how deeply impressed I was after watching the “race” skit during New Student Welcome Night. The voiceover kept on saying that life seems to be an endless cycle, and we are too busy running and chasing to pause for a while and ask the questions “what are we running for?” and “what is waiting for us in the end?” Ever since I was born, I was exactly like the runner who never stops, never looks back, and never considers what might be at the “end.” I felt scared and shocked. I realized that in elementary school, my life was centered around getting into a good high school. And then high school life soon disappointed me because it was simply the beginning of another race. Then it was all about getting into a good college. I suddenly realized that everything I was striving for was not the end, and none of them would be able to satisfy me because there was always something new coming up and I needed to fight even harder to grasp it. At the same time I had to accept the sad fact that the end will surely be death no matter what pathway I take for my life journey, no matter how successful I become, no matter the how many achievements, fame or wealth I might amass for myself. Everything I am now focused on, fighting and chasing so hard for, will surely come to an end in the next seventy or eighty years.

For a couple days, I rationalized to myself that achievements and activities could satisfy my desires and fulfill the ultimate purpose of my life. I thought that since I cannot take anything with me when I die, then my life must be meant for the process rather than the result. However, the more I tried to examine my own life, the more hopeless I became. I realized that my desires were so unlimited that nothing could actually satisfy and fulfill them in the long term. For either material or spiritual comforts and happiness, I could only feel excited and satisfied for a short while–a couple of weeks maximum–and then I would quickly lose interest and passion and turn to focus on something new that I didn’t yet have, remaining dissatisfied until I achieved the new thing.

Soon afterwards during a Friday Bible Study, I encountered one of the most important messages: the one regarding my own sinfulness. The passage Pastor Ed used that night was Roman 7. Verse 15-18 read:” I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.” These verses perfectly addressed my struggle. Though I believed I was a good son to my parents, a good friend to my peers, and a good student to my teachers, I was clearly aware of something wrong deep inside me. Much of the time, I was a very disciplined person. I wanted to be righteous, honest, friendly, and I would make all efforts to improve myself. However the more I tried, the more often I found myself in failure, because I noticed there were things within me that I could not control. I wished to be honest and kind to other people, yet often at the critical moments, I just could not help myself but lied or generated wicked thoughts. I tried to commit myself to many charitable activities so I could somehow be helpful to people in need, yet at the same time I also knew there was something more egocentric and selfish motivating and pushing me. Similar examples can go on and on, and the more I started to reflect, the more I realized how dark and evil I was inside. Though I wanted to drive the evil part of myself out, I could not. It was deeply rooted in me, and as the Bible described me, for the first time I recognized my “sinful nature” within me.

However, The Bible did more than simply explain my sinfulness. It offered me a solution, a way to lead me out of the endless and hopeless cycle I had been experiencing. I started to realize that my hope is in the cross, where Jesus died and sacrificed his body and blood for me. His sacrifice was personal, and even though it happened more than two thousand years ago, I can feel its refreshing power able to make me new and pure. In other words, the gospel message suddenly became very simple: I am so stuck in my own emptiness and sinfulness that my own efforts are not able to get me out. But God offers me Jesus on the cross, the only way out of the darkness. If I want to see the light, I have no choice but to depend on the power of the cross.

To my surprise, Christianity offered a precise description of my life and of my sinfulness. I could understand this description of myself, and I could feel the need within me for God’s solution. However, it was a lot more difficult for me to actually take concrete action and respond. I couldn’t imagine nor start completely changing the life that I had lived for eighteen years in order to begin living the way prescribed by the Bible.

Shortly afterwards, during the Thanksgiving Retreat, I had the chance to hear how God worked in many of Gracepoint’s brothers and sisters lives throughout the year of 2008. My heart was truly impressed. If what Gracepoint had taught me in the last several months was mainly theology and the core theories of Christianity, the real testimonies I heard during the retreat were the first intense chance that I had to get to know how Christians live out their faith in God and how God works in them. The morning session that day was very important to me, because for the first time I was able to connect the abstract and often times philosophical Christianity basics to real people’s lives. During the lunch break, I tried to write a reflection based on my own story with God and how he had led me, and what I realized during that hour changed me forever.

Through this reflection time I realized God has always been working in me and preparing me. God prepared my heart and placed invaluable people in the critical phases of my life to help me approach and experience His love. I had an English teacher who taught me six years in high school. She was from Michigan, and it was not until recently that I find out she is actually a missionary who gave up her job in the US to go to China eight years ago. For six years she had been one of my favorite teachers and we built a very good friendship outside the classroom. In the freshman year of my high school, I asked her advice about volunteering and community service. She suggested a charity called “Amity Foundation” to me, an organization founded by Chinese Christians. Although I didn’t learn anything about Christianity from Amity during my four years’ of volunteer work, what I saw and experienced truly changed my view on Christianity. I witnessed the way Amity helps reduce poverty and improve both the educational and medical environment throughout China, and so I generally knew Christians do good works. Had God not led me to Amity the way He did, religious activities would have been the last thing on my list of items to do once in college. Additionally, in the summer before I left China for college, I asked my dad if there was anyone in the US he knew. From his many friends in the US, my dad randomly picked one person and sent him an email message. That person turned out to be my dad’s college roommate, who he hadn’t talked to in more than twenty-five years. Imagine our surprise when my dad found out the son of his college roommate went to the same university as the one I would be attending in just a couple weeks. This son turned out to be Kevin Ding, a senior in Koinonia. Moreover, as an international student, I was required to attend the international student orientation, which was one week before the dorms officially open for move-in day. Kevin offered me to stay at his apartment for that week. Since that was my very first week in the US and I did not have any friends or family nearby, it was natural for me to hangout with Kevin and his apartment mates, and when Kevin invited me to Koinonia’s picnic that week and other activities such as Bible Study, I immediately said yes. And so, Kevin’s peers and Allen Chen, Kevan Ho, and Mike Ho, who later became my leaders, were the very first people I met in the US. I was extremely thankful that God had placed all these invaluable people in my life. All the older brothers and the leaders in Koinonia have been a great blessing to me since I first met them, and their help in my spiritual journey is immeasurable.

Before the retreat, I was hesitant and scared of taking up my own cross and following Jesus because I thought this was too unrealistic, and I could not picture myself living a Christian life that was so utterly different from my own life. However, after reflecting on my own journey with God, I suddenly got the big picture of how God had always been working. I was shocked and amazed by His clear and firm plan for my life all these years, despite my complete unawareness. What could I be afraid of and hesitant about? God had already taken the initiative to personally welcome me into His kingdom, and His people have already reached out to me all these years. I was initially intimidated about following Jesus, but through the Thanksgiving retreat and reflecting on my life, it suddenly became the natural thing that I should do. Therefore, I cried out to God, repented for my sins, thanked God for His love to me, and received my salvation at the retreat, on Nov.15th, 2008.

My salvation became an official invitation for God to come into my life, to transform my lifestyle, to guide important life choices, to purify my sins, and to build eternal relationships. Isaiah 41 verse 10 reads: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.” I am constantly strengthened and encouraged by God’s promise in this verse, which drives away my fear and hopelessness. Struggles still accompany my new Christian life as I am fighting with my sins, and trying to expose my weakness to the people around me. However, these struggles are far outweighed by the joy, peace and comfort I have found in Christ, because I know I am finally home.

I was born in Guangzhou, China as the only child to loving, atheist parents. My elementary and middle schools denounced superstition and celebrated naturalism, patriotism and communism. Therefore, I developed a firm impression that only illiterate fools could be superstitious enough to believe in anything supernatural. My parents encouraged me to study and play hard, and so I did. I excelled in school, won math competitions and planned to become a great scientist. I was proud, self-sufficient and felt no need for any god.

When I was 14, my parents and I moved to Massachusetts. In high school, I adjusted quickly to the culture shock and language barrier. I excelled in many Advanced Placement classes, won math competitions, and saw a secured future as a great scientist. I once wrote a letter to my homeroom teacher defending my refusal to recite the pledge of allegiance because it endorsed the existence of a “God.”

After high school, I attended Caltech for my undergrad studies. Most of my close friends were liberal atheists who shared my belief that nerdy equaled cool. We had a lot of “good clean fun” – we studied together and did all things quirky, geeky and dorky. College was also an eye-opening experience that showed me that studying was not all there was to life. I tried out many hobbies such as juggling, skiing and rock-climbing. I enjoyed intense outdoor activities because they were as close to a “spiritual” experience as I could have possibly had. All these activities were my new-found sources of happiness. My worldview was naively optimistic – that people were inherently good and that knowledge was leading the world in a generally good direction. In such a liberal and atheist-leaning environment, I majored in biology, a field populated by Darwinists. My professors taught evolution as a fact and one of them made fun of intelligent design during lecture. I attended a lecture by Richard Dawkins, one of the famous atheist biologists. At the end of the lecture, I applauded and cheered along with the ecstatic audience. I thought evolution fully explained humans’ unique intellectual complexity and innate sense of morality, such that religions have lost power in the scientifically advanced society. I rejected religions while ignorant about them.

I started grad school at UC Berkeley as a settled atheist with a cheerful worldview. For the first time, people tried sharing the Gospel with me. During the first week of grad school, I was looking for new clubs to join, new opportunities to volunteer and new hobbies to take on. That is when I met Patty at an ultimate Frisbee game hosted by Gracepoint church. After New Student Welcome Night, Patty and Caroline of Koinonia suggested that I go to International Graduate Student Ministry (IGSM) bible studies. Even though I was not seeking, Karen encouraged me to attend bible studies whenever I could. It struck me that the Christians at Gracepoint Church were definitely neither illiterate nor foolish. I kept going because I wanted to learn more about this group of nice people and to eat free food. All the while, I would go to happy hours, bars and parties and boasted about my growing alcohol tolerance. I would sometimes skip bible study to stay longer at the Friday happy hours. Although I learned that Jesus was a wise moral teacher, I did not value the true purpose for which He came (which is to offer us eternal life by taking away our sins).

In the second semester of grad school, I went on the IGSM winter retreat. The guest speaker presented the fine-tuning of universal constants (evidence for statistical improbability of human life) and the evidence of Jesus’ divine resurrection. The scientific analyses appealed to my reasoning. Objectively, I would have believed in God right there, but I just could not place my trust in an invisible, supernatural Being. During the retreat, the messages on sin, the vineyard workers and Pontius Pilate (parable/real people in the bible who rejected God) gave me an overview of the Gospel and made me identify with the people who rejected God. I cried at the retreat because I was touched by the prayers and faith of others, but I could not describe what I was feeling. I assured myself that just like how I would cry during good movies, my emotions were only temporary. So I remained a stubborn skeptic.

During that winter, Mia and I started Course 101 one-on-one so my schedule remained flexible to allow for skiing, mountaineering, backpacking and rock-climbing trips. Before we started, I warned Mia that she should not have to waste time on me because of my science background the probability of my conversion was extremely low. In the beginning, I was only intellectually interested in learning about Christianity, so I looked forward to staking out my atheist/naturalist standpoint throughout C101, so that I could reject religion with greater conviction after I became more informed about the subject.

In the introduction week, I rejected almost every concept presented and tried to argue for my naturalistic views. And then in the later weeks, I had a difficult time identifying myself as a sinner because I thought I could not offend a God I did not believe in. I thought I was an overall moral and relatively selfless person. My moral relativism lead to the conclusion that unproductive people such as the retarded and the paralyzed have no value, yet I fought back tears as my moral conscience shouted that every human being ought to be valued and loved regardless of his utility to society. I had not realized then that it was God who had set a moral code in my heart as part of His revelation to me. So instead of acknowledging that there is Absolute Truth, I tried to keep it at a distance. I figured that I could at least understand the material assuming that God existed. I thought: “Yes, if God exists, then He must be grieved for my rebellious ways. Yes, if God exists, then I need Jesus Christ to save me from eternal death. Since I cannot see God, how do I know He exists unless He shows up in an obvious way?” So I suggested that if a pink flying bunny appeared when I wished for God to show me His existence, I would totally believe in God. Mia reminded me that I would have no choice to believe if God made himself known like that and without choice, love is not possible. On the other hand, if the sign from God was not absolute proof, then a person who rejects all supernatural things would have to explain the sign as a rare natural phenomenon. I would need to take a leap of faith to believe. The leap seemed too far despite the accumulating evidence supporting Christianity as truth. One of the biggest obstacles was that I could not resolve the apparent discrepancy between evolution and the creation account in Genesis. Mia suggested that I read ‘The Language of God’ by Dr. Francis Collins, who led the Human Genome Project. Dr. Collins presents a satisfactory case for the perfect compatibility of evolution with Christianity. Yet I felt that I needed answers to my many other intellectual questions.

During the summer, I regularly attended home church at Chul and Sharon’s home, where we watched The Truth Project, a series of lectures by Dr. Del Tackett. Since the lectures targeted a Christian audience, many of the ideas were new to me and even seemed outrageous. During the post-video sharing times, I learned more about Christianity and corrected some of my misconceptions. For instance, I was not thrilled when I sensed Dr. Tackett’s intolerance toward other worldviews. I later learned that his intolerance was well-founded if Christianity was the highest truth instead of a mere personal opinion of worldview. Dr. Tackett claims that the bible teaches wives to submit to their husbands while the husbands love their wives. I later learned that submission does not imply inferiority or inequality. Dr. Tackett also discussed the relationship between government and church. I later learned that Christians do not vote Republican by default nor must they participate in conservative political activism.

Later I read a book called Letters from a Skeptic by Dr. Gregory Boyd, which dispelled many of my doubts so that I can see the Gospel message more clearly. As I read the book, I experienced what Dr. Boyd called “cognitive dissonance” – a torturous state of indecision between atheism and Christianity. It was a decision between what’s rational vs. irrational, logical vs. nonsensical, and the abundance of love vs. emptiness. I regretted taking Course 101 because I was constantly troubled by the possibility that God might very well be real. I actually regretted knowing about God because if Christianity was true, then I would face an eternity of sorrow for explicitly rejecting God. I wanted to drop out of Course 101 and reject God. However, I decided that I should at least be polite and wait until the end of Course to reject God. The more evidence supporting Christianity, the more skeptical I needed to be to continue denying God. So I held on to the possibility that Christians are just psychologically weaklings who could not deal the fact that humans are just accidentally advanced molecular assemblies. Therefore I continued to hang out with my secular friends.

One week before my decision, my curiosity drove me to take a bite of a cookie made with pot (marijuana) that my friend had offered. Later, as I was heading to the bus stop to go to Oakland, I felt strange visual distortions and slightly dizzy, so I decided to return home. I regretted eating the “special” cookie because it did not bring me the joy that I had hoped for. Then I thought about how I have led my life to this state of trying to escape from reality. I had spent my whole life seeking happiness but never satisfied because I had been searching in all the wrong places. Then maybe where I had refused to search was the right place. Perhaps God was real and wanted to offer me true happiness through Him. If so, then He must be watching me and reading my every sinful thought. He was inviting me to inspect my imperfect self as I cringed in reluctance. During the following Sunday Service, I felt quite rotten that I could not get myself to sing along to praise songs because I had never praised God in my whole life. I needed to review the facts and decide to accept or reject God. During that weekend, I spent time with some of the IGSM sisters in Alameda. The experience reminded me of the genuine interpersonal relationships God wanted me to have. During the following week, I considered how life would be totally different if I were Christian. One of the “inconveniences” was that my weekends would shrink from two days to one day because I must attend church on Sundays (implication: I could no longer take three-week backpacking trips). Another “inconvenience” was that my potential pool of marriage prospects would be shrunken dramatically as I would have to marry a Christian. During that week, I had a Course 101 meeting, in which Mia referred to the trilemma (Jesus was lunatic, liar, or Lord) and asked me to think about what was preventing me from making a decision. She also assured me that I would not regret becoming a Christian despite the “inconveniences” I foresaw. I reviewed the evidence for Jesus’ resurrection by reading a book called “The Case for Easter” by Lee Strobel. The evidence was again compelling.

There would be severe implications of accepting Jesus’ resurrection. It meant that everything I had learned in C101 was true, that I was created by God with a purpose which I refused to honor – yet He still loves me and wants a relationship with me. As I reflected on my life apart from God, I saw how my heart had actually been lost, restless, insecure and rebellious. To feel like I am really “living”, I had pursued fleeting idols such as pleasure, academics, my family’s approval and the admiration of others at the expense of neglecting the only worthy pursuit – after God. I had felt entitled to do whatever pleased me with my life, body, mind, and possessions depending on my mood. For example, during several bouts of depression, I seriously strategized how I should kill myself without being a hassle to the world. I realized that my potential to do good (such as curiosity, intelligence) was often misused to do bad things. I had been veering away from God by asserting that I was capable of leading my own life in the right direction. I finally understood why God, my Creator, was absolutely justified in letting me head straight into the eternal darkness of hell because of my sinfulness. However, He loved me and valued my life so much that He presented a way for me to reconcile with Him. God sent His Son to die on the cross along with my sins even before I sinned, and Jesus’ resurrection promised me an eternal life. Therefore, believing in Jesus meant that I would be made righteous by handing my whole self along with my sins over to Him, and I would finally be able to live my life how it was originally intended – a meaningful life directed by God.

I recalled the ways in which God progressively revealed Himself – by guiding me to this church, by allowing me to partake in many meals, bible studies and trips with caring sisters and brothers, by having me take Course 101, by giving me innate moral standards and by showing Himself through the bible. Even though I did not understand why everyone does not have the same opportunity to hear the Gospel as I did, I was grateful for the fact that I did have the chance to hear. So it was up to me to humbly receive God’s grace. How loving and powerful is Jesus Christ that He laid Himself down, then defied death and showed us that we could also defy death through Him! For twenty-four years, these truths had been obscured by the darkness of society and the pride in my own heart. My faith was little, but certainly not blind. The Christian worldview made more logical sense than the atheistic one. I did not have to abandon my rationality to find the truthfulness of Christianity. On the contrary, my science training helped reason against my atheistic preconceptions. My investigation into Christianity had been the most intellectually- and emotionally-stimulating journey thus far. A verse in the bible summarizes it: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.
On Sunday September 13th, 2009 during a meeting with Mia, I made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I thank God for finding me even though I was not looking for Him. I am thankful that my innate curiosity had taken me one step further to develop interest in seeking. I am also very thankful that the pink flying bunny never appeared (Actually, if it did, I would have probably dismissed it as an overheating Energizer Bunny rather than a sign from God). I am thankful that somehow I decided not to go to Oakland while under the influence of marijuana. Finally, I am thankful to Mia for teaching course 101 over 8 months and patiently answering my many questions.
After my conversion, my faith has grown significantly as I experience the new, satisfying sense of rest and purposefulness that I was not able to find elsewhere. I no longer view my success in society as my goal in life because I know that it is never-ending and dissatisfying. My new mission is to be used by God to share His love with the world. For example, I tried teaching Course 101 to my parents when I went home in October, although unsuccessfully. I then took Advanced Course 101 during J-Term and am teaching Course 101 with Angela, which have further deepened my understanding of the Gospel. My personal relationship with God deepens as I read the bible, reflect on devotional questions, pray and experience community with my sisters and brothers. Also, I see that the biblical description of humans’ fallen state is accurate for the people I see everyday, including myself. I realized that I had been a selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful person with a cold, empty heart, who had been disconnected with myself and with others. As I uncover more areas of my sinfulness, I cling onto Jesus’ promise that He has cleansed me from all sin. I want to be a living testimony to the world; therefore I actively try to obey God by being more selfless, honest, patient, and kind, and have stopped degrading my body with substances. Going to Sunday services did not end up being an inconvenience but something that I look forward to. I am grateful of the many opportunities to serve in church and I look forward to walking with God for the rest of my life and beyond.

Looking back on my high school days, I shudder when I think of some of the decisions I made. While for me it was a time of adjustment and trial, having just emigrated from Mexico, I also remember those days with a strange fondness, for I discovered many things about life. One of these things was that I had a void in my heart and longed for something more. I did not know what that was, but I expected it to fulfill my life. I tried filling this hole with many things, including academic success, popularity, friends, extracurricular achievements and a romantic relationship, but all these failed to fill that void. It was not until I reached college and started learning about the Gospel of Jesus that I understood that the void I had been feeling all along in my high school days was the void for unconditional love that only God could fill. I resolved to put my trust in Jesus and allowed him to sit on throne of my life. When the opportunity to be a mentor through InterHigh came up, I signed up with the hope of being able to relate to the youth because of the struggles I faced when I was in high school. It was during those days that I wandered farther away from God, and through InterHigh I wanted to reach out to those who could be going through the same situation.

At first I thought that I would not be a good candidate because I had messed up so much during high school. I thought that given my bad record I would not be a good example for the youth. This came to show how I still held onto this very self-centered attitude toward serving God. I realized that if I only wanted to do the things that I felt qualified for, then I was telling God that what He did for me on the cross was not enough. I was telling Him that He could only use a certain portion of my life I felt confident about, and hold back the parts that I felt more ashamed of. But as Pastor Will talked about the vision of InterHigh, about the Christian youth that abandon their faith when they go to college due to the lack of strong foundations, like-minded peers, and mentors, I was ashamed of my self-centeredness and God put in my heart the urgency for the youth. Thinking of the ways that I had broken God’s heart in my youth days, I wanted to volunteer as a mentor to help the youth by being a good influence living out my faith in college.

Now I am a mentor for a group of 6th graders. Even though my mentee has not attended InterHigh monthly regularly, we keep in touch by emailing one another. And although it is a challenge sometimes to get sixth graders to talk or share, I am really happy to be a part of their life through this ministry. I’m in awe of how God has been using us as a church to be part of a movement that seeks to empower the youth with knowledge of their faith. As I look back at the Rise event last fall, and the four InterHigh Monthly events we have had, I am amazed and so thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to be part of this wonderful ministry. I thank Him for being a God who doesn’t frown and look away because of my past, but instead shows me mercy, loves me, and redeems me. Praise God as he has brought so many youth from the Bay Area to InterHigh where we can share the love of Christ and together take a stand for Jesus.

Our small group sponsored a five year old boy, named X. When I went to the Angel Tree Christmas party, it turned out that his stepdad came. His stepdad was the one who was in prison and who wanted to make sure his son got a gift because he didn’t know when he’d come out. But it turned out he came out of prison earlier than expected, so he was able to attend the party.

So X, his step dad, X’s mom, who is a mother of thirteen I found out, and X’s foster parent for two years came. His foster parent said he goes to church, and said he just finished the adoption papers for X. He is taking care of X and two of his brothers. He was very grateful we planned this for the kids.

I got to talk to his stepdad a bit because I sat next to him, and he said he always goes to church. Even in prison, he loved going to church. He even signed up for a seminary class in prison, but was deterred by the amount of reading he had to do and dropped out. He said, he was made more for worship and he loves singing praise songs.

X at first was pretty shy and quiet, and was not that happy I was asking him questions. But as time went on, he smiled more and more, and started playing with a sophomore brother at our table (their sponsored family didn’t come). Even though X and the sophomore brother had totally different backgrounds, they were so happy playing together they seemed like brothers. When I finally gave X his presents, his parents were very happy because X needed a thick jacket for winter. The step father and the care taker and X wanted to stay for JCC, but they ended up going home because X’s mom was in pain because of her foot problems. The care taker said she was in a drug rehab program and could not take medication for her foot. So they ended up leaving, but X was very reluctant to go and finally gave me a big hug.

This Angel Tree Christmas party left me a very strong impression. Talking to X’s stepdad made me see how God really loves each person as he is, and it also made me very grateful for the life God gave me, which is much more privileged than a lot of people out there. Also, just seeing how X changed from being very reserved to very open during a short few hours he was there was very touching. Again and again God shows me how much love can do. We really didn’t do much for them, but they are very grateful and thoroughly enjoyed the program, and they were able to come together as a family. It was very good to see that. I’ll definitely do Angel Tree again next year.

This past Tuesday we had our first historical prayer walk on the UCSD campus!  As we were all gathered around and praying for this campus I thought it was pretty amazing that so many of us from different ministries in our churches were praying as one body of Christ to prepare the hearts of the students on the campus to be receptive to the gospel.  We had about 70 members from Gracepoint gathered to pray for the campus;  we had representatives from Berkeley College, Praxis, Davis, SF, Element, Joyland, Joytown, Austin, and past missionaries who served in Hsinchu too!

As the DT for that day was on John 4, I was very moved to think that we can have those kinds of encounters just like Jesus had with the Samaritan Woman at the Well.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4 v.13-15

We prayed collectively that our team and all the Christians on that campus can be like Jesus to be able to winsomely engage people who are tired and left thirsty from the things of this world.  We prayed that the gospel would be able to quench the thirst of those that are seeking something more and the truth of who Jesus is can satiate that thirst in their souls.  We prayed for this campus as well as Riverside and Minnesota as God desires to stretch us this year with the 3 new church plants.  It was exciting to think about the future transformed lives that only Jesus can bring as I imagined that one of our team members can one day be striking up that one conversation with someone on that campus that might lead them to eternal life. How amazing that is and I’m so thankful for the good work that God gives me the privilege to participate in beginning with sowing seeds of prayers through the prayer walk.

A short video clip of the time (please forgive my amateur filming). You have to click on the video twice for it to start playing.

I was born in a very traditional family in Taiwan, and was very accustomed to burning incense to thank Buddha and ancestors for blessing us with peace and a comfortable life during Chinese New Year or other holidays. Whenever we encountered uncertainties or challenges beyond our abilities, I would instinctively go to a happening temple to burn incense, asking the deities to bless and protect my family. I thought Christianity was just another religion and Jesus just another god, but He is not the god that I believed in.

My parents are very hard-working and down-to-earth. They taught me that I should be nice and courteous to elders, and also study very hard because studying was the biggest investment I could make for my future and the only way to get a good life.  I studied very hard because the importance of education is highly emphasized in Taiwan, and all the more because I knew I was not as smart as my older brother.  As a result, I have been an honor student since elementary school, which made me very proud.  I looked down on my classmates and started to push some out from my circle of friends because they were not good enough. I was very proud at that time and thought I was invincible.  This got even worse after I started junior high school. I just wanted to make friends with the smart classmates.  What I failed to notice was that I ended up with fewer and fewer friends. After junior high school, I was admitted to Taichung Girls Senior High School, which is the best all-girls senior high school in Taichung.

Strangely enough, even though I was eager to put behind my junior high school life and looked forward to my new life at my dream senior high school, all of a sudden my insecurity overcame my pride in this highly-competitive environment.  Most of my classmates were smarter than me so I began to question my own competence and feel worthless.  I had looked down on my classmates before, but now that I was no longer the number one student in class (in fact, I was below average in class), I started feeling that other classmates would look down on me as I did to others before.  As a result, I stopped trying so hard academically, and turned my attention to clubs at school.  Because I lost my confidence, I was transferred from honor classes to normal classes.  Thereafter, I focused even more on my club participation and had a very weak academic performance.  At that time, I was very extreme and unhappy. I cared very much about how others perceived me and so I started getting competitive with other classmates in terms of our relative popularity among the younger ones in the clubs in the hope to gain some consolation from others’ approval. I didn’t do so well on my college entrance exam and couldn’t go to Taipei for college, which was my childhood dream.  Instead, I went to NCKU in Tainan. I felt hopeless.  There was nothing to look forward to in my life, and I didn’t want to make any new friends.  I isolated myself and I couldn’t find any purpose for my life.

Sometime before my 20^th birthday, I felt the need for a change.  I went to Yellowstone National Park for an internship for three months. At that time, in my department, I met a woman from California named Sonja.  She was amazed that I went to the States all by myself.  In the next three months, Sonja and I became really close. Sonja and her husband Bob would even invite me over to their RV for dinner and pray before every meal.  At that time, I was fascinated by prayers or talking to God.  I just felt this was part of American culture. But what I couldn’t understand was why they were so kind to me – a person whom they had just known for less than three months and why they would thank God for bringing me into their lives.  I just thought that I was really fortunate and I even reasoned that it must be my extroverted and likable personality that made them like me so much. I contributed everything to my personality and luck at that time.

After that, I kept in touch with them in my junior year and they even mailed me a Chinese Bible. But I was very rebellious and did not even bother to open it.  I was very grateful for their kindness to me, but I did not think it had anything to do with Christ, but now I can see that God really wanted me home.  Towards the end of my junior year, I met the summer mission team from Gracepoint Berkeley who came to NCKU for cultural exchange.  It was right around the time for finals, and most people were busy preparing for finals.  As for me, I just did not want to deal with schoolwork or friends from my department so I applied to be one of the helpers. To my surprise, everyone from Berkeley seemed so nice and genuine. I had thought people from prestigious schools would be very proud.  They invited us to their Gospelfest. I brought a lot of my friends with me. We were all touched by the skit in which the main character continued to pursue different components of success as defined by society – education, career and love, but he did not know why he was pursuing these things.  He only knew that everyone was pursuing that which represents success in this world.  I was very intrigued by the skit and started getting interested in the God that these Berkeley friends were talking about.  So, in my senior year, I often went up to their Hsinchu church to learn more about Jesus Christ, whom they claimed to have impacted and transformed their lives.

After that, I started to attend Friday Night Plus and Sunday worship service from time to time, and also took Course 101 with Esther Wang.  I discovered the reason why I was proud, unhappy and insecure.  Intellectually, I became more familiar with the Bible and who Jesus is, but I just didn’t have the conviction to become a Christian and I didn’t want to become a person who only talks about Jesus all day long.  I attended the winter retreat in late February 2009.  From the pre-retreat message on four soils, I started to recognize that I lived a double life: I am one person in Tainan and another in Hsinchu. I was happy to hear Eugene’s messages whenever I came up to Hsinchu and thought the messages made sense as these messages exposed the kind of selfish and proud sinner that I was.  However, I just did not think I could become a devout Christian because I did not want to care or sacrifice for others.  Besides, I am a Taiwanese and grew up burning incense in the temples; there was no way I could believe in Jesus Christ. Sometimes I even thought that the church just wanted more people to become Christians so that they could serve at the church, and make the Hsinchu church bigger. Therefore, I didn’t have any intention to become a Christian. Although I started to realize that I am a sinner and I have been a sinner since I was born, to me it was very foolish to not be sinful.  I recognized that selfishness is a sin, but I could not help but be selfish. After Eugene finished his messages at the winter retreat, he concluded by saying, “This is the most beautiful and wonderful thing that I know in this world.  We are not trying to lure you to join our church. We just want to share with you the most wonderful thing that we know.”  I was overwhelmed by what Eugene said and started to wonder how Eugene knew that I thought they just wanted to lure me to become a Christian.  At the same time, this reminded me of Bob and Sonja, who have told me the same thing before, that is, they wanted me to receive their most valuable gift in this world, that is, Jesus Christ. And then I realized that I should not continue to live a double life and maintain two sets of value systems.  After some struggles, I decided to become a Christian and let Jesus become my personal Lord and Savior. As said in Matthew 7:24-24, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

I want to be a person who builds my house on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  I know that I am a sinner through and through because I knew I am very proud and selfish.  If Jesus didn’t die for me on the cross and grant me my salvation, I would not be able to experience and enjoy the love of God and of other sisters and brothers. I am so grateful that God used different people at different times to reach me, hoping that I could find the way home soon. I am so thankful that God has given me a new life and identity, and let me have so many sisters and brothers to support me in my life.

I was born into a middle-class family. Although both of my parents worked and we had a steady income, my parents fought over money almost every day. At that time, I thought money was the only solution for my family problems. Actually, I thought money was the solution for all of life’s problems. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to hang out with classmates or make friends with them. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to have a boyfriend or even get married. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to have a warm family. Although money is necessary to a certain extent, I went to the extreme. I hated rich people. And I attributed people’s success to the unfairness of having better economic conditions. At that time, I made up my mind to earn a large amount of money and buy a big house for my parents in order to please them. That was the only thing in my mind — buying a big house so then we wouldn’t have any more family problems.

Since my mom was a Christian, I started going to church at a very early age. But since I moved many times growing up, it was hard for me to go regularly to the same church and build on my relationship with God. Whenever others asked me about my religious belief, I would answer that I believed in Jesus, even though I did not understand Christianity at all.  To me at that time, Christianity was just a western religion and religion offers consolation for the weak.  I did not reject Christianity; neither did I actively investigate it.  All I cared about was my own dream to make money and live a comfortable life. As I grew older, I understood that money was not the solution to everything. No matter how much money I may make, I will never be able to please my parents.  Money can bring about only a certain level of happiness, but when I faced myself honestly, I knew that no matter how much money I possess, I would still be discontent and feel that there is something missing inside.

In the summer of my sophomore year, my parents and I went to Texas to visit my brother who was studying there.  Because we did not know Texas that well, my aunt from North Carolina asked a Christian couple living in Texas to host us. As I stayed with them, I realized that their care for us was selfless and unconditional – even though they were going through some of their own personal difficulties, they were still very willing to help.  After we returned to Taiwan, that couple continued to take care of my brother and every weekend, they would drive two hours to bring food or other necessities to my brother.  They gave not only money but their time and love.  Even though they gave a lot, they were still very humble.  Seeing their lives, I started wanting to find out what kind of God Jesus was.

In the summer of my junior year, I attended the NTHU English Camp.  My TA Calvin introduced me to Gracepoint and I started getting in touch with Gracepoint.  I took Course 101 with Esther Wang, learning about the love of Jesus.  I struggled because to give up my original lifestyle was not an easy thing, but from Course 101, I learned that I should not allow the lesser things in my life to conquer the greater things.  I thought of one example of the lesser thing was my sin and the greater thing was the existence of God.  If God truly exists, then I should not continue to indulge myself in my own comfort, but to accept the path that God has planned out for me. I also thought of that couple in Texas whose example showed me how sinful my selfishness and mistrust toward God and others were.  For that reason, in the last session of Course 101, I decided to confess my sin and trust that the precious blood of Jesus Christ can wash away my sin.

After making my decision, a lot of my values have changed.  Before, I thought I could have a happy life if I study hard, get a good job and make a lot of money.  After I made my decision, I gradually realized that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  We do not have to rely on ourselves to find peace and happiness because when we depend on God, God will give us peace and joy.  I am slowly shifting the focus of my life from myself to glorifying and honoring God.

I went to church a few times while in elementary and junior high school; however, I wasn’t very familiar with the God that everybody knew or talked about. I did not know nor understand how a Christian ought to behave or the meaning behind it all. At that time, church to me was just another place where I had some friends, can sing and eat a meal. I never seriously thought about the meaning of life, nor understood why the things Christians called “sins” were bad. Very naturally after high school and college, I began to drift further away from the church and adopted more secular values.

Like many young people, I took pride in rebelling against my parents in order to gain peer recognition and to look “cool.”  To appear unique, I did a lot of things that people considered “cool.” I joined many clubs, carried myself in deliberately bizarre demeanors, and even fiddled with a guitar, bass, and joined a band, all just to make myself look different – though I didn’t understand very deeply or wasn’t even really interested in some of these things.  I lived before the eyes of others. I felt empty inside but I did not dare to admit it. I didn’t really own my life nor cared for the people close to me.  I just wanted to please others, wanted others to care for me and to be the center of their attention.  I wanted others to see me as someone special. I was only concerned about my own selfish desires and had no room to care for others.  My relationship with others naturally drifted apart. I didn’t feel like I had people with whom I could genuinely share my thoughts and feelings with.  I had an estranged relationship with my parents and never really communicated with them because I wanted to look cool.  It was not until my junior year in college, when my mother passed away, that I discovered that I actually never took the time to get to know her or talk with her about her many years of struggle with cancer.  I constantly missed the important things in life, and in the end, I did not even know who I really was.

In the summer of my junior year, I attended the 2007 NTHU English Camp.  Aside from the opportunity to get to know many friends, there were messages that reminded me of things that I once heard at church before and of a God that I vaguely remembered. But soon after that, I went back to my original life style.  In the summer of 2008 when I visited old acquaintances from English Camp, I got to know friends from Gracepoint Hsinchu. And so, in my super senior year, I started attending Koinonia’s Friday Night Plus.  In the beginning, I went because I just wanted to solve the issue of boredom as I studied for the graduate school entrance exam again. After locking myself in the library to study for a week, it was nice to be able to chat with other people, play some fun games and eat free dinner on Friday, and occasionally, there would be free dinners during the week as well.  The more I got to know these people from the other side of the Pacific, the more I felt their enthusiasm and sincerity.  Through messages brought by Eugene, I began to get interested in this value system that I had been exposed to before, and I realized that these messages could help me re-examine myself.  I had thought that as long as my conducts met my own standards, I would not have the need to examine myself and I do not owe anybody anything.  Yet, at Friday Night Plus, many of the messages challenged my “impeccable” moral values.  Of course, I also enjoyed the friendship and food here so I started attending Koinonia more and more regularly.

Later, I decided to start Course 101 with Tim. This course provides a reasonable and comprehensive overview of the Christian faith.  Contrary to my previous belief that Christians were just superstitious, Christianity is actually quite logical.  Tim’s wealth of knowledge could often address many strange questions that I had, which had bothered me and which I thought could perfectly justify my refusal to believe prior to taking this course. I started to consider questions that I had always neglected or did not want to face – for example, is the plan I had for my life perfect? Will I achieve it? Can my moral values withstand any challenge?  Am I a sinner?

As for my life, I planned to find a stable job and have a wonderful family – to live an ordinary but happy life and then die.  When I took a closer look at my life and sin, I had to painfully admit that I could never achieve the kind of life I wanted to have by my sheer will.  Even if I achieve success as defined by society and possess much wealth, I would still be discontent and empty because of my sin.  When I recalled the lives of older relatives around me, I was even more convicted of my conclusion that our selfishness and desires can only blind ourselves and turn ourselves into those terribly snobbish, self-seeking people that we wish we would never become. True peace can only be found in God.  It seems foolish to pursue this invisible God instead of trying to accumulate wealth for ourselves at first glance, but who is to say that this is not how life ought to be?  If we are looking for true peace, given our insatiable desires, how can we ever hope to find that peace by accumulating earthly treasures?

Another area in which my value has been completely reversed was my view of other people’s worth.  I did not care about others and selfishly indulged myself before.  I was very self-centered.  I was unwilling to understand any idea that conflicted with mine and any background that was different from mine because I thought I was superior to others, and more valuable than others.  I learned that God has high regard for each person because God made each person a bearer of His image and wrote His law on each person’s heart, which totally challenged my usual attitude to look down on people.  I realized that I had absolutely no other reason to refute the Christian view, except that I was used to my own view.

As the number of areas in which I needed to change increased, and as there was a growing sense of unease, I could not help but begin to seriously consider the need to become a Christian and receive my salvation.  In my life, I saw more and more stains that I could not ignore, not to mention that I could not bear to face them. Instinctively I just wanted to run away from the reality of this inner darkness.  Can I possibly hope to change myself on my own?  If I simply try to avoid looking at the reality, can I really expect that these things would not ever bother me again?  Yet, I know the God that has been waiting for me knew all that I have done.  Even if I can deceive myself, I cannot deceive Him.  If I stop lying to myself and start seeking His holiness, He has already had enough grace for me.  Through the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross and His resurrection, a sinner such as myself can be born again.

After clearly understanding the options before me, I faced a dilemma: to continue my life that I was used to and therefore deceive myself? Or to accept God’s salvation and seek Him? Becoming a Christian means that the focus of my life and my lifestyle have to change completely, which in turn means that I have to put away the lifestyle that I was accustomed to, and I have to learn to sacrifice myself for the sake of the Gospel, which is against my own nature.  I did not wish to be a half-hearted Christian and I had no confidence that I could be a good Christian, but my mind repeatedly reminded me that I had no better option than receiving my salvation. I struggled over this for many days, and I went back and forth on the same dilemma.  On a Wednesday afternoon in late May, before Course 101, while doing my part-time job at the NTHU’s Arts Center, I asked a staff member there who is also a Christian about this issue that has troubled me for awhile.  She shared with me her testimony and her decision to become a Christian.  What challenged me in particular at that time was this one point she brought up: “If becoming a Christian means you have to give up a certain lifestyle, then such lifestyle must not be pleasing to God to begin with.”  Indeed, since I have already acknowledged the evil in me, how can I expect to keep it in my life?  Another student who was also working there at that time overheard and said, “Not everyone recognizes what you recognize.  Since you have already recognized this, why not just do it?”  So at that moment, I decided to become a Christian since I knew my life was a mess and it made no sense for me to feel nostalgic about my old lifestyle.  That night, after Course 101, Tim asked whether I wanted to become a Christian and at that moment, I made my decision to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

The real challenge began after I became a Christian.  In the beginning, I did not realize how true that was, but in the last few months, I really experienced it.  Every step that I have taken seems so unbelievable, and I truly believe that God is with us and is leading us to Himself.  By God’s great power, I can overcome many challenges in the end, and experience a life that I could have never imagined before becoming a Christian.

I grew up in Taiwan and from an early age, I was used to burning incense on holidays and following various local customs.  I was not sure whether God actually existed.  But I was told growing up that when we do something wrong, we would get punished by these deities; when necessary, we just need to pray earnestly and kneel, and then our wishes would come true.  Yet, personally, I never really seriously considered the existence of any God or deity because I felt like they had nothing to do with my every day life.  Even though my parents had become devout Buddhists, I was not moved by their faith because I could not agree with their belief that our present life is a payback of our previous life. Even if it were true, I did not want the pressure of doing good deeds in my present life for the sake of my next life.  The older I got, the more I believed that only I could control my own life in this world, and the only person that I could trust and rely on is myself.

From elementary to junior high school, I tried hard to become a good student in the eyes of my teachers, a good friend in the eyes of my classmates and a good kid in the eyes of my parents.  So I studied hard, was kind to my classmates, and tried not to make my parents angry.  I thought that as long as I could maintain this lifestyle, and not trouble anybody else, I could live a smooth life. I took pride in my ability to play each of these roles well. Looking back, many people probably did not know that I was wearing this mask because I always responded to other people’s requests and helped everyone to the best of my abilities and hardly ever had any conflicts with anyone.  Even though in the eyes of others I had a really good temper and was very helpful, they did not know that in my heart, I never trusted my relationship with any of them.  Because I believed that the world’s valuation of a person depended on how much he/she could contribute to others, whenever someone wanted to approach me, I thought that must mean that he/she wanted to get something from me.  That was the same way I treated others as well.  I pleased them because I wanted them to accept me or like me.  At that time, I was full of contradictions: I looked happy, but my heart was really dark; I looked sociable, but I did not have anyone that I could truly trust; I thought I could have a good life by myself, but I also hoped to have someone who could truly accept me.

My junior year in college, my English teacher Phil Choi asked me and my roommate to come to Friday Night Plus.  From the beginning, he asked us how we felt about Christianity and Christians.  In all honesty, I did not know much about Christianity.  Strangely, I told him that I thought Christians did not make any sense because they always scare people by saying that we are all sinners and if we do not believe in God, we would go to hell or they just believe that after believing in God, many wonderful things would happen.  Even more strangely, Phil did not look unhappy or argue with me after hearing what I said.  He only told us that if we are disappointed after we go, then he would not push us again, and he reassured us that we would experience something very different.  So, in a few days, we came to our first Friday Night Plus.  During my first Friday Night Plus, I was shocked first by the free food because I thought that was too good to be true, and then by the warmth of the staff, who genuinely wanted to greet each new person, chat and get to know you without any ulterior motives.  At the moment, I really felt that it was very different but I did not know how to describe that feeling with words.  At that Friday Night Plus, I got to know Tiffany Su who sat next to me, and she invited me to join her and Joyce in making cards for Mother’s Day the next day.  After making cards, Tiffany and I exchanged phone numbers, and after that, I frequently went to Tiffany’s home for food and games and occasionally I studied there too.  I got very curious about the staff’s willingness to love unlovable college students such as us, and at the same time, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and find out more about this God.  So I decided to take Course 101.

During the 8 weeks, even though there was a lot of reading each time, the content was so true and persuasive as it seeks to introduce Christianity and the Bible from different angles.  After several sessions, even though intellectually I was already convinced that there was a Creator in this world, I did not think that I needed to become a Christian.  I did not think that I needed to be saved from my sin because I felt I had lived this life for 20+ years and I did not have any problems with it.  More importantly, I did not think that God would grieve if I refuse to repent.  In all honesty, at that time, I did not feel His existence.  But I did not know at that time that it was just my evasive maneuver.

During last year’s Thanksgiving Celebration, when we all got in a circle to share what we had to be thankful for during that past one year, I shared that before coming to Friday Night Plus, I thought people would be nice to me only because they wanted to get something from me, but after I got to know the staff, I realized that was not the case at all; it is possible to have genuine friendship between people, as I have experienced at Gracepoint.  I did not know why I said such strange things; I just felt like saying it.  At that time, Kaitlyn told me, “That’s alright.  We like you just the way you are.”  After hearing that, I felt embarrassed because I did not know who I really was; I always hid myself under a shell and lived my life to please others.  I tried to appear optimistic but inside I was actually quite needy and vulnerable.  Yet, I was surprised that someone would be willing to accept me just as I was. Gradually, I got really saddened by my fakeness, I realized that I employed different forms of fakeness to avoid the fact that I am a sinner, but when I actually tried to face reality, my true nature and heart turned out to be very ugly.

I felt helpless about this reality.  Then I remembered that in Course 101 and the Bible, Jesus was nailed to the cross because of our sin.  All we have to do is to confess our sins to God and repent and accept Jesus as our Lord to receive forgiveness for our sin.  But I was not sure whether I should do it and I could not imagine what would happen after I became a Christian.  I felt insecure and afraid of this kind of decision.  I struggled for sometime and I even wanted to run away again to avoid thinking about this question.  Then I read the course material for the last session of Course 101, in which there was a section titled “Fear Not,” I felt as though someone was speaking to me face to face.  I truly experienced how passionately God was looking for us, seeking every lost sheep.  No matter how long we have been lost, He has been using different ways to call us home, to confess to Him and repent, and to become His sons and daughters.  After that, I was not afraid anymore and decided to become a Christian and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

After my decision to become a Christian, I realize that Christian life is not as scary as I expected.  On the contrary, I feel more at ease than any other time in my life.  I no longer need to be fake toward others like I did before, or be afraid that others would not accept me because I am not smart enough or not pretty enough.  In the eyes of God, everyone is precious and important.  At the same time, we all have our flaws and sin, and we need God’s forgiveness. I no longer had to pursue superficial things in order to please others as I did before.  I think I have already found the most precious – that is, God’s forgiveness and love.

Ever since I was little, I thought that it was necessary for me to study hard and to find a good job in order for me to live a comfortable life. Whatever values society upheld, I would try to follow. As a result I often set lofty goals for myself and believed that success would bring me security in life.  I believed that as long as I was competent, it would make up for my character flaws.  However, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do in the future and so felt quite lost.  By the time I was a freshman in college, I wanted to cut myself off from others and stay in the library every day.  But my roommates tried to take me out to participate in our department activities, and I got annoyed by their continual requests so I ended up joining many clubs. I found myself often becoming jealous of my good friends, because they were always more extroverted, humorous, and popular.  When I became an upperclassman in college, I was determined to go back to my previous goal of being studious but soon ended up just wasting a lot of time watching TV and listening to music on the internet.  As I reflect back on my college years, I realized that it was my fears, insecurities and competitiveness that made it difficult for me to get along with my friends; and what I chased after were ultimately temporary pleasures.

After graduation, I was able to get a job at Deloitte in the Hsinchu Science Park, partly because it was close to my home.  During the summer of 2007, as I was taking a break from work to prepare for the TOEFL test in the library, I saw a poster announcing that a group of Berkeley students were going to be hosting the English Corner program sponsored by the Foreign Language department and decided to check it out.  It turned out that the group was the Gracepoint mission team, though I didn’t know it at the time.  At that session, I was able to meet and get to know Cece Woo.  We had an enjoyable conversation, and it seemed like she genuinely wanted to get to know me, even though I wasn’t even a college student.  After she went back to Berkeley, around the following Christmas, I got an email from her notifying me that there would be a Christmas Celebration at NCTU.  It wasn’t until then that I realized these people I met in the summer were Christians.  At the Christmas Celebration, the speaker talked about how life is like a race, and he asked, “What is motivating you to run? How satisfied will you be when you get to the finish line?  What is the ultimate meaning of life?”  At that time I worked every day until 11:00 PM.  I had thought that getting into a big firm meant I would find that sense of security and better opportunities for me to advance in my future career. But I ended up feeling very tired both physically and emotionally.  I did not have any time to spend with family and friends.  I was impacted and touched by the message that night as it closely described my life.

I wanted to continue to get to know these people so I started going out to Friday Night Plus. Through the weekly messages and Course 101, which is a course on Christian foundations, I gradually learned that Jesus is not an illusion produced by religion; he was a real historical figure; that the Bible is not just myth or fairy tale, but something that we can really rest our lives upon.  I came to know that this God cares about what was in my heart and greatly values his relationship with me and my relationship with others.  This God is very different from idols in a temple, which I used to worship only when I had some need.  Course 101 talked about how sin is essentially selfishness and pride.  Initially I thought the term “sin” was too severe.  Because I had gotten used to conflicts in life, I didn’t think there was any problem with tense relationships (or that there was any problem with me). From Course 101, I learned that sin is so serious that Jesus couldn’t just simply tell us to stop making mistakes, that we couldn’t simply resolve not to be bad anymore.  I had tried to be an easy-going, good and gentle person. But in reality these were often just fleeting thoughts in my head that quickly disappeared before it came to fruition.  My temporary friendliness quickly ran out of steam and my true self would return to reveal its true colors.  The consequence of sin is that Jesus had to die on the cross.  If every sin deserves its just punishment, then, isn’t it true that my acts of evil also put Jesus on the cross?  The cross also demonstrated God’s love for us because when Jesus bore the consequence for my sins, I was able to receive forgiveness. Romans 5:6-8 says, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus’ unconditional sacrifice and love for each of us far exceeded our love for others, which is based on personal preference and an evaluation of how someone can benefit me.  I have never experienced such love before.  From the Bible, I also learned that every person is precious in God’s eyes.  No matter how messed up I am, he is still willing to draw near to me.  It came to a point when I realized that if God loves me this much and is also willing to forgive my sins, then he is a God who is worthy to follow. Therefore, at the Winter Retreat, on March 1, 2009, I surrendered my life and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

Now my worldview is more down to earth.  I know there is more to life than career and ambition.  When society chases after some new trend or fad, I don’t have to feel so confused, because the Bible guides me down a path towards a rich life.  I know that in the end, money, career and appearance are not reliable, but that I can rely on God’s word for my life.  I also finally saw people around me and friends I had lost touch with clearly. They are no longer competitors, but people that I need to learn to care for. In the past I was often bothered by what others thought of me, now I remind myself not to be so calculative about what I can gain in any relationship, but rather learn this kind of forgiving, embracing and accepting love from God. I want to learn to pray more and to trust God.  I want to continue to study the Bible, and allow God to be Lord over my life, not just in what I say, but to learn from my friends at church how to joyfully give, to care for family, friends and coworkers.