Looking back on my high school days, I shudder when I think of some of the decisions I made. While for me it was a time of adjustment and trial, having just emigrated from Mexico, I also remember those days with a strange fondness, for I discovered many things about life. One of these things was that I had a void in my heart and longed for something more. I did not know what that was, but I expected it to fulfill my life. I tried filling this hole with many things, including academic success, popularity, friends, extracurricular achievements and a romantic relationship, but all these failed to fill that void. It was not until I reached college and started learning about the Gospel of Jesus that I understood that the void I had been feeling all along in my high school days was the void for unconditional love that only God could fill. I resolved to put my trust in Jesus and allowed him to sit on throne of my life. When the opportunity to be a mentor through InterHigh came up, I signed up with the hope of being able to relate to the youth because of the struggles I faced when I was in high school. It was during those days that I wandered farther away from God, and through InterHigh I wanted to reach out to those who could be going through the same situation.

At first I thought that I would not be a good candidate because I had messed up so much during high school. I thought that given my bad record I would not be a good example for the youth. This came to show how I still held onto this very self-centered attitude toward serving God. I realized that if I only wanted to do the things that I felt qualified for, then I was telling God that what He did for me on the cross was not enough. I was telling Him that He could only use a certain portion of my life I felt confident about, and hold back the parts that I felt more ashamed of. But as Pastor Will talked about the vision of InterHigh, about the Christian youth that abandon their faith when they go to college due to the lack of strong foundations, like-minded peers, and mentors, I was ashamed of my self-centeredness and God put in my heart the urgency for the youth. Thinking of the ways that I had broken God’s heart in my youth days, I wanted to volunteer as a mentor to help the youth by being a good influence living out my faith in college.

Now I am a mentor for a group of 6th graders. Even though my mentee has not attended InterHigh monthly regularly, we keep in touch by emailing one another. And although it is a challenge sometimes to get sixth graders to talk or share, I am really happy to be a part of their life through this ministry. I’m in awe of how God has been using us as a church to be part of a movement that seeks to empower the youth with knowledge of their faith. As I look back at the Rise event last fall, and the four InterHigh Monthly events we have had, I am amazed and so thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to be part of this wonderful ministry. I thank Him for being a God who doesn’t frown and look away because of my past, but instead shows me mercy, loves me, and redeems me. Praise God as he has brought so many youth from the Bay Area to InterHigh where we can share the love of Christ and together take a stand for Jesus.

Our small group sponsored a five year old boy, named X. When I went to the Angel Tree Christmas party, it turned out that his stepdad came. His stepdad was the one who was in prison and who wanted to make sure his son got a gift because he didn’t know when he’d come out. But it turned out he came out of prison earlier than expected, so he was able to attend the party.

So X, his step dad, X’s mom, who is a mother of thirteen I found out, and X’s foster parent for two years came. His foster parent said he goes to church, and said he just finished the adoption papers for X. He is taking care of X and two of his brothers. He was very grateful we planned this for the kids.

I got to talk to his stepdad a bit because I sat next to him, and he said he always goes to church. Even in prison, he loved going to church. He even signed up for a seminary class in prison, but was deterred by the amount of reading he had to do and dropped out. He said, he was made more for worship and he loves singing praise songs.

X at first was pretty shy and quiet, and was not that happy I was asking him questions. But as time went on, he smiled more and more, and started playing with a sophomore brother at our table (their sponsored family didn’t come). Even though X and the sophomore brother had totally different backgrounds, they were so happy playing together they seemed like brothers. When I finally gave X his presents, his parents were very happy because X needed a thick jacket for winter. The step father and the care taker and X wanted to stay for JCC, but they ended up going home because X’s mom was in pain because of her foot problems. The care taker said she was in a drug rehab program and could not take medication for her foot. So they ended up leaving, but X was very reluctant to go and finally gave me a big hug.

This Angel Tree Christmas party left me a very strong impression. Talking to X’s stepdad made me see how God really loves each person as he is, and it also made me very grateful for the life God gave me, which is much more privileged than a lot of people out there. Also, just seeing how X changed from being very reserved to very open during a short few hours he was there was very touching. Again and again God shows me how much love can do. We really didn’t do much for them, but they are very grateful and thoroughly enjoyed the program, and they were able to come together as a family. It was very good to see that. I’ll definitely do Angel Tree again next year.

This past Tuesday we had our first historical prayer walk on the UCSD campus!  As we were all gathered around and praying for this campus I thought it was pretty amazing that so many of us from different ministries in our churches were praying as one body of Christ to prepare the hearts of the students on the campus to be receptive to the gospel.  We had about 70 members from Gracepoint gathered to pray for the campus;  we had representatives from Berkeley College, Praxis, Davis, SF, Element, Joyland, Joytown, Austin, and past missionaries who served in Hsinchu too!

As the DT for that day was on John 4, I was very moved to think that we can have those kinds of encounters just like Jesus had with the Samaritan Woman at the Well.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4 v.13-15

We prayed collectively that our team and all the Christians on that campus can be like Jesus to be able to winsomely engage people who are tired and left thirsty from the things of this world.  We prayed that the gospel would be able to quench the thirst of those that are seeking something more and the truth of who Jesus is can satiate that thirst in their souls.  We prayed for this campus as well as Riverside and Minnesota as God desires to stretch us this year with the 3 new church plants.  It was exciting to think about the future transformed lives that only Jesus can bring as I imagined that one of our team members can one day be striking up that one conversation with someone on that campus that might lead them to eternal life. How amazing that is and I’m so thankful for the good work that God gives me the privilege to participate in beginning with sowing seeds of prayers through the prayer walk.

A short video clip of the time (please forgive my amateur filming). You have to click on the video twice for it to start playing.

I was born in a very traditional family in Taiwan, and was very accustomed to burning incense to thank Buddha and ancestors for blessing us with peace and a comfortable life during Chinese New Year or other holidays. Whenever we encountered uncertainties or challenges beyond our abilities, I would instinctively go to a happening temple to burn incense, asking the deities to bless and protect my family. I thought Christianity was just another religion and Jesus just another god, but He is not the god that I believed in.

My parents are very hard-working and down-to-earth. They taught me that I should be nice and courteous to elders, and also study very hard because studying was the biggest investment I could make for my future and the only way to get a good life.  I studied very hard because the importance of education is highly emphasized in Taiwan, and all the more because I knew I was not as smart as my older brother.  As a result, I have been an honor student since elementary school, which made me very proud.  I looked down on my classmates and started to push some out from my circle of friends because they were not good enough. I was very proud at that time and thought I was invincible.  This got even worse after I started junior high school. I just wanted to make friends with the smart classmates.  What I failed to notice was that I ended up with fewer and fewer friends. After junior high school, I was admitted to Taichung Girls Senior High School, which is the best all-girls senior high school in Taichung.

Strangely enough, even though I was eager to put behind my junior high school life and looked forward to my new life at my dream senior high school, all of a sudden my insecurity overcame my pride in this highly-competitive environment.  Most of my classmates were smarter than me so I began to question my own competence and feel worthless.  I had looked down on my classmates before, but now that I was no longer the number one student in class (in fact, I was below average in class), I started feeling that other classmates would look down on me as I did to others before.  As a result, I stopped trying so hard academically, and turned my attention to clubs at school.  Because I lost my confidence, I was transferred from honor classes to normal classes.  Thereafter, I focused even more on my club participation and had a very weak academic performance.  At that time, I was very extreme and unhappy. I cared very much about how others perceived me and so I started getting competitive with other classmates in terms of our relative popularity among the younger ones in the clubs in the hope to gain some consolation from others’ approval. I didn’t do so well on my college entrance exam and couldn’t go to Taipei for college, which was my childhood dream.  Instead, I went to NCKU in Tainan. I felt hopeless.  There was nothing to look forward to in my life, and I didn’t want to make any new friends.  I isolated myself and I couldn’t find any purpose for my life.

Sometime before my 20^th birthday, I felt the need for a change.  I went to Yellowstone National Park for an internship for three months. At that time, in my department, I met a woman from California named Sonja.  She was amazed that I went to the States all by myself.  In the next three months, Sonja and I became really close. Sonja and her husband Bob would even invite me over to their RV for dinner and pray before every meal.  At that time, I was fascinated by prayers or talking to God.  I just felt this was part of American culture. But what I couldn’t understand was why they were so kind to me – a person whom they had just known for less than three months and why they would thank God for bringing me into their lives.  I just thought that I was really fortunate and I even reasoned that it must be my extroverted and likable personality that made them like me so much. I contributed everything to my personality and luck at that time.

After that, I kept in touch with them in my junior year and they even mailed me a Chinese Bible. But I was very rebellious and did not even bother to open it.  I was very grateful for their kindness to me, but I did not think it had anything to do with Christ, but now I can see that God really wanted me home.  Towards the end of my junior year, I met the summer mission team from Gracepoint Berkeley who came to NCKU for cultural exchange.  It was right around the time for finals, and most people were busy preparing for finals.  As for me, I just did not want to deal with schoolwork or friends from my department so I applied to be one of the helpers. To my surprise, everyone from Berkeley seemed so nice and genuine. I had thought people from prestigious schools would be very proud.  They invited us to their Gospelfest. I brought a lot of my friends with me. We were all touched by the skit in which the main character continued to pursue different components of success as defined by society – education, career and love, but he did not know why he was pursuing these things.  He only knew that everyone was pursuing that which represents success in this world.  I was very intrigued by the skit and started getting interested in the God that these Berkeley friends were talking about.  So, in my senior year, I often went up to their Hsinchu church to learn more about Jesus Christ, whom they claimed to have impacted and transformed their lives.

After that, I started to attend Friday Night Plus and Sunday worship service from time to time, and also took Course 101 with Esther Wang.  I discovered the reason why I was proud, unhappy and insecure.  Intellectually, I became more familiar with the Bible and who Jesus is, but I just didn’t have the conviction to become a Christian and I didn’t want to become a person who only talks about Jesus all day long.  I attended the winter retreat in late February 2009.  From the pre-retreat message on four soils, I started to recognize that I lived a double life: I am one person in Tainan and another in Hsinchu. I was happy to hear Eugene’s messages whenever I came up to Hsinchu and thought the messages made sense as these messages exposed the kind of selfish and proud sinner that I was.  However, I just did not think I could become a devout Christian because I did not want to care or sacrifice for others.  Besides, I am a Taiwanese and grew up burning incense in the temples; there was no way I could believe in Jesus Christ. Sometimes I even thought that the church just wanted more people to become Christians so that they could serve at the church, and make the Hsinchu church bigger. Therefore, I didn’t have any intention to become a Christian. Although I started to realize that I am a sinner and I have been a sinner since I was born, to me it was very foolish to not be sinful.  I recognized that selfishness is a sin, but I could not help but be selfish. After Eugene finished his messages at the winter retreat, he concluded by saying, “This is the most beautiful and wonderful thing that I know in this world.  We are not trying to lure you to join our church. We just want to share with you the most wonderful thing that we know.”  I was overwhelmed by what Eugene said and started to wonder how Eugene knew that I thought they just wanted to lure me to become a Christian.  At the same time, this reminded me of Bob and Sonja, who have told me the same thing before, that is, they wanted me to receive their most valuable gift in this world, that is, Jesus Christ. And then I realized that I should not continue to live a double life and maintain two sets of value systems.  After some struggles, I decided to become a Christian and let Jesus become my personal Lord and Savior. As said in Matthew 7:24-24, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

I want to be a person who builds my house on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  I know that I am a sinner through and through because I knew I am very proud and selfish.  If Jesus didn’t die for me on the cross and grant me my salvation, I would not be able to experience and enjoy the love of God and of other sisters and brothers. I am so grateful that God used different people at different times to reach me, hoping that I could find the way home soon. I am so thankful that God has given me a new life and identity, and let me have so many sisters and brothers to support me in my life.

I was born into a middle-class family. Although both of my parents worked and we had a steady income, my parents fought over money almost every day. At that time, I thought money was the only solution for my family problems. Actually, I thought money was the solution for all of life’s problems. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to hang out with classmates or make friends with them. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to have a boyfriend or even get married. Without money, we wouldn’t be able to have a warm family. Although money is necessary to a certain extent, I went to the extreme. I hated rich people. And I attributed people’s success to the unfairness of having better economic conditions. At that time, I made up my mind to earn a large amount of money and buy a big house for my parents in order to please them. That was the only thing in my mind — buying a big house so then we wouldn’t have any more family problems.

Since my mom was a Christian, I started going to church at a very early age. But since I moved many times growing up, it was hard for me to go regularly to the same church and build on my relationship with God. Whenever others asked me about my religious belief, I would answer that I believed in Jesus, even though I did not understand Christianity at all.  To me at that time, Christianity was just a western religion and religion offers consolation for the weak.  I did not reject Christianity; neither did I actively investigate it.  All I cared about was my own dream to make money and live a comfortable life. As I grew older, I understood that money was not the solution to everything. No matter how much money I may make, I will never be able to please my parents.  Money can bring about only a certain level of happiness, but when I faced myself honestly, I knew that no matter how much money I possess, I would still be discontent and feel that there is something missing inside.

In the summer of my sophomore year, my parents and I went to Texas to visit my brother who was studying there.  Because we did not know Texas that well, my aunt from North Carolina asked a Christian couple living in Texas to host us. As I stayed with them, I realized that their care for us was selfless and unconditional – even though they were going through some of their own personal difficulties, they were still very willing to help.  After we returned to Taiwan, that couple continued to take care of my brother and every weekend, they would drive two hours to bring food or other necessities to my brother.  They gave not only money but their time and love.  Even though they gave a lot, they were still very humble.  Seeing their lives, I started wanting to find out what kind of God Jesus was.

In the summer of my junior year, I attended the NTHU English Camp.  My TA Calvin introduced me to Gracepoint and I started getting in touch with Gracepoint.  I took Course 101 with Esther Wang, learning about the love of Jesus.  I struggled because to give up my original lifestyle was not an easy thing, but from Course 101, I learned that I should not allow the lesser things in my life to conquer the greater things.  I thought of one example of the lesser thing was my sin and the greater thing was the existence of God.  If God truly exists, then I should not continue to indulge myself in my own comfort, but to accept the path that God has planned out for me. I also thought of that couple in Texas whose example showed me how sinful my selfishness and mistrust toward God and others were.  For that reason, in the last session of Course 101, I decided to confess my sin and trust that the precious blood of Jesus Christ can wash away my sin.

After making my decision, a lot of my values have changed.  Before, I thought I could have a happy life if I study hard, get a good job and make a lot of money.  After I made my decision, I gradually realized that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  We do not have to rely on ourselves to find peace and happiness because when we depend on God, God will give us peace and joy.  I am slowly shifting the focus of my life from myself to glorifying and honoring God.

I went to church a few times while in elementary and junior high school; however, I wasn’t very familiar with the God that everybody knew or talked about. I did not know nor understand how a Christian ought to behave or the meaning behind it all. At that time, church to me was just another place where I had some friends, can sing and eat a meal. I never seriously thought about the meaning of life, nor understood why the things Christians called “sins” were bad. Very naturally after high school and college, I began to drift further away from the church and adopted more secular values.

Like many young people, I took pride in rebelling against my parents in order to gain peer recognition and to look “cool.”  To appear unique, I did a lot of things that people considered “cool.” I joined many clubs, carried myself in deliberately bizarre demeanors, and even fiddled with a guitar, bass, and joined a band, all just to make myself look different – though I didn’t understand very deeply or wasn’t even really interested in some of these things.  I lived before the eyes of others. I felt empty inside but I did not dare to admit it. I didn’t really own my life nor cared for the people close to me.  I just wanted to please others, wanted others to care for me and to be the center of their attention.  I wanted others to see me as someone special. I was only concerned about my own selfish desires and had no room to care for others.  My relationship with others naturally drifted apart. I didn’t feel like I had people with whom I could genuinely share my thoughts and feelings with.  I had an estranged relationship with my parents and never really communicated with them because I wanted to look cool.  It was not until my junior year in college, when my mother passed away, that I discovered that I actually never took the time to get to know her or talk with her about her many years of struggle with cancer.  I constantly missed the important things in life, and in the end, I did not even know who I really was.

In the summer of my junior year, I attended the 2007 NTHU English Camp.  Aside from the opportunity to get to know many friends, there were messages that reminded me of things that I once heard at church before and of a God that I vaguely remembered. But soon after that, I went back to my original life style.  In the summer of 2008 when I visited old acquaintances from English Camp, I got to know friends from Gracepoint Hsinchu. And so, in my super senior year, I started attending Koinonia’s Friday Night Plus.  In the beginning, I went because I just wanted to solve the issue of boredom as I studied for the graduate school entrance exam again. After locking myself in the library to study for a week, it was nice to be able to chat with other people, play some fun games and eat free dinner on Friday, and occasionally, there would be free dinners during the week as well.  The more I got to know these people from the other side of the Pacific, the more I felt their enthusiasm and sincerity.  Through messages brought by Eugene, I began to get interested in this value system that I had been exposed to before, and I realized that these messages could help me re-examine myself.  I had thought that as long as my conducts met my own standards, I would not have the need to examine myself and I do not owe anybody anything.  Yet, at Friday Night Plus, many of the messages challenged my “impeccable” moral values.  Of course, I also enjoyed the friendship and food here so I started attending Koinonia more and more regularly.

Later, I decided to start Course 101 with Tim. This course provides a reasonable and comprehensive overview of the Christian faith.  Contrary to my previous belief that Christians were just superstitious, Christianity is actually quite logical.  Tim’s wealth of knowledge could often address many strange questions that I had, which had bothered me and which I thought could perfectly justify my refusal to believe prior to taking this course. I started to consider questions that I had always neglected or did not want to face – for example, is the plan I had for my life perfect? Will I achieve it? Can my moral values withstand any challenge?  Am I a sinner?

As for my life, I planned to find a stable job and have a wonderful family – to live an ordinary but happy life and then die.  When I took a closer look at my life and sin, I had to painfully admit that I could never achieve the kind of life I wanted to have by my sheer will.  Even if I achieve success as defined by society and possess much wealth, I would still be discontent and empty because of my sin.  When I recalled the lives of older relatives around me, I was even more convicted of my conclusion that our selfishness and desires can only blind ourselves and turn ourselves into those terribly snobbish, self-seeking people that we wish we would never become. True peace can only be found in God.  It seems foolish to pursue this invisible God instead of trying to accumulate wealth for ourselves at first glance, but who is to say that this is not how life ought to be?  If we are looking for true peace, given our insatiable desires, how can we ever hope to find that peace by accumulating earthly treasures?

Another area in which my value has been completely reversed was my view of other people’s worth.  I did not care about others and selfishly indulged myself before.  I was very self-centered.  I was unwilling to understand any idea that conflicted with mine and any background that was different from mine because I thought I was superior to others, and more valuable than others.  I learned that God has high regard for each person because God made each person a bearer of His image and wrote His law on each person’s heart, which totally challenged my usual attitude to look down on people.  I realized that I had absolutely no other reason to refute the Christian view, except that I was used to my own view.

As the number of areas in which I needed to change increased, and as there was a growing sense of unease, I could not help but begin to seriously consider the need to become a Christian and receive my salvation.  In my life, I saw more and more stains that I could not ignore, not to mention that I could not bear to face them. Instinctively I just wanted to run away from the reality of this inner darkness.  Can I possibly hope to change myself on my own?  If I simply try to avoid looking at the reality, can I really expect that these things would not ever bother me again?  Yet, I know the God that has been waiting for me knew all that I have done.  Even if I can deceive myself, I cannot deceive Him.  If I stop lying to myself and start seeking His holiness, He has already had enough grace for me.  Through the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross and His resurrection, a sinner such as myself can be born again.

After clearly understanding the options before me, I faced a dilemma: to continue my life that I was used to and therefore deceive myself? Or to accept God’s salvation and seek Him? Becoming a Christian means that the focus of my life and my lifestyle have to change completely, which in turn means that I have to put away the lifestyle that I was accustomed to, and I have to learn to sacrifice myself for the sake of the Gospel, which is against my own nature.  I did not wish to be a half-hearted Christian and I had no confidence that I could be a good Christian, but my mind repeatedly reminded me that I had no better option than receiving my salvation. I struggled over this for many days, and I went back and forth on the same dilemma.  On a Wednesday afternoon in late May, before Course 101, while doing my part-time job at the NTHU’s Arts Center, I asked a staff member there who is also a Christian about this issue that has troubled me for awhile.  She shared with me her testimony and her decision to become a Christian.  What challenged me in particular at that time was this one point she brought up: “If becoming a Christian means you have to give up a certain lifestyle, then such lifestyle must not be pleasing to God to begin with.”  Indeed, since I have already acknowledged the evil in me, how can I expect to keep it in my life?  Another student who was also working there at that time overheard and said, “Not everyone recognizes what you recognize.  Since you have already recognized this, why not just do it?”  So at that moment, I decided to become a Christian since I knew my life was a mess and it made no sense for me to feel nostalgic about my old lifestyle.  That night, after Course 101, Tim asked whether I wanted to become a Christian and at that moment, I made my decision to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

The real challenge began after I became a Christian.  In the beginning, I did not realize how true that was, but in the last few months, I really experienced it.  Every step that I have taken seems so unbelievable, and I truly believe that God is with us and is leading us to Himself.  By God’s great power, I can overcome many challenges in the end, and experience a life that I could have never imagined before becoming a Christian.

I grew up in Taiwan and from an early age, I was used to burning incense on holidays and following various local customs.  I was not sure whether God actually existed.  But I was told growing up that when we do something wrong, we would get punished by these deities; when necessary, we just need to pray earnestly and kneel, and then our wishes would come true.  Yet, personally, I never really seriously considered the existence of any God or deity because I felt like they had nothing to do with my every day life.  Even though my parents had become devout Buddhists, I was not moved by their faith because I could not agree with their belief that our present life is a payback of our previous life. Even if it were true, I did not want the pressure of doing good deeds in my present life for the sake of my next life.  The older I got, the more I believed that only I could control my own life in this world, and the only person that I could trust and rely on is myself.

From elementary to junior high school, I tried hard to become a good student in the eyes of my teachers, a good friend in the eyes of my classmates and a good kid in the eyes of my parents.  So I studied hard, was kind to my classmates, and tried not to make my parents angry.  I thought that as long as I could maintain this lifestyle, and not trouble anybody else, I could live a smooth life. I took pride in my ability to play each of these roles well. Looking back, many people probably did not know that I was wearing this mask because I always responded to other people’s requests and helped everyone to the best of my abilities and hardly ever had any conflicts with anyone.  Even though in the eyes of others I had a really good temper and was very helpful, they did not know that in my heart, I never trusted my relationship with any of them.  Because I believed that the world’s valuation of a person depended on how much he/she could contribute to others, whenever someone wanted to approach me, I thought that must mean that he/she wanted to get something from me.  That was the same way I treated others as well.  I pleased them because I wanted them to accept me or like me.  At that time, I was full of contradictions: I looked happy, but my heart was really dark; I looked sociable, but I did not have anyone that I could truly trust; I thought I could have a good life by myself, but I also hoped to have someone who could truly accept me.

My junior year in college, my English teacher Phil Choi asked me and my roommate to come to Friday Night Plus.  From the beginning, he asked us how we felt about Christianity and Christians.  In all honesty, I did not know much about Christianity.  Strangely, I told him that I thought Christians did not make any sense because they always scare people by saying that we are all sinners and if we do not believe in God, we would go to hell or they just believe that after believing in God, many wonderful things would happen.  Even more strangely, Phil did not look unhappy or argue with me after hearing what I said.  He only told us that if we are disappointed after we go, then he would not push us again, and he reassured us that we would experience something very different.  So, in a few days, we came to our first Friday Night Plus.  During my first Friday Night Plus, I was shocked first by the free food because I thought that was too good to be true, and then by the warmth of the staff, who genuinely wanted to greet each new person, chat and get to know you without any ulterior motives.  At the moment, I really felt that it was very different but I did not know how to describe that feeling with words.  At that Friday Night Plus, I got to know Tiffany Su who sat next to me, and she invited me to join her and Joyce in making cards for Mother’s Day the next day.  After making cards, Tiffany and I exchanged phone numbers, and after that, I frequently went to Tiffany’s home for food and games and occasionally I studied there too.  I got very curious about the staff’s willingness to love unlovable college students such as us, and at the same time, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and find out more about this God.  So I decided to take Course 101.

During the 8 weeks, even though there was a lot of reading each time, the content was so true and persuasive as it seeks to introduce Christianity and the Bible from different angles.  After several sessions, even though intellectually I was already convinced that there was a Creator in this world, I did not think that I needed to become a Christian.  I did not think that I needed to be saved from my sin because I felt I had lived this life for 20+ years and I did not have any problems with it.  More importantly, I did not think that God would grieve if I refuse to repent.  In all honesty, at that time, I did not feel His existence.  But I did not know at that time that it was just my evasive maneuver.

During last year’s Thanksgiving Celebration, when we all got in a circle to share what we had to be thankful for during that past one year, I shared that before coming to Friday Night Plus, I thought people would be nice to me only because they wanted to get something from me, but after I got to know the staff, I realized that was not the case at all; it is possible to have genuine friendship between people, as I have experienced at Gracepoint.  I did not know why I said such strange things; I just felt like saying it.  At that time, Kaitlyn told me, “That’s alright.  We like you just the way you are.”  After hearing that, I felt embarrassed because I did not know who I really was; I always hid myself under a shell and lived my life to please others.  I tried to appear optimistic but inside I was actually quite needy and vulnerable.  Yet, I was surprised that someone would be willing to accept me just as I was. Gradually, I got really saddened by my fakeness, I realized that I employed different forms of fakeness to avoid the fact that I am a sinner, but when I actually tried to face reality, my true nature and heart turned out to be very ugly.

I felt helpless about this reality.  Then I remembered that in Course 101 and the Bible, Jesus was nailed to the cross because of our sin.  All we have to do is to confess our sins to God and repent and accept Jesus as our Lord to receive forgiveness for our sin.  But I was not sure whether I should do it and I could not imagine what would happen after I became a Christian.  I felt insecure and afraid of this kind of decision.  I struggled for sometime and I even wanted to run away again to avoid thinking about this question.  Then I read the course material for the last session of Course 101, in which there was a section titled “Fear Not,” I felt as though someone was speaking to me face to face.  I truly experienced how passionately God was looking for us, seeking every lost sheep.  No matter how long we have been lost, He has been using different ways to call us home, to confess to Him and repent, and to become His sons and daughters.  After that, I was not afraid anymore and decided to become a Christian and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

After my decision to become a Christian, I realize that Christian life is not as scary as I expected.  On the contrary, I feel more at ease than any other time in my life.  I no longer need to be fake toward others like I did before, or be afraid that others would not accept me because I am not smart enough or not pretty enough.  In the eyes of God, everyone is precious and important.  At the same time, we all have our flaws and sin, and we need God’s forgiveness. I no longer had to pursue superficial things in order to please others as I did before.  I think I have already found the most precious – that is, God’s forgiveness and love.

Ever since I was little, I thought that it was necessary for me to study hard and to find a good job in order for me to live a comfortable life. Whatever values society upheld, I would try to follow. As a result I often set lofty goals for myself and believed that success would bring me security in life.  I believed that as long as I was competent, it would make up for my character flaws.  However, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do in the future and so felt quite lost.  By the time I was a freshman in college, I wanted to cut myself off from others and stay in the library every day.  But my roommates tried to take me out to participate in our department activities, and I got annoyed by their continual requests so I ended up joining many clubs. I found myself often becoming jealous of my good friends, because they were always more extroverted, humorous, and popular.  When I became an upperclassman in college, I was determined to go back to my previous goal of being studious but soon ended up just wasting a lot of time watching TV and listening to music on the internet.  As I reflect back on my college years, I realized that it was my fears, insecurities and competitiveness that made it difficult for me to get along with my friends; and what I chased after were ultimately temporary pleasures.

After graduation, I was able to get a job at Deloitte in the Hsinchu Science Park, partly because it was close to my home.  During the summer of 2007, as I was taking a break from work to prepare for the TOEFL test in the library, I saw a poster announcing that a group of Berkeley students were going to be hosting the English Corner program sponsored by the Foreign Language department and decided to check it out.  It turned out that the group was the Gracepoint mission team, though I didn’t know it at the time.  At that session, I was able to meet and get to know Cece Woo.  We had an enjoyable conversation, and it seemed like she genuinely wanted to get to know me, even though I wasn’t even a college student.  After she went back to Berkeley, around the following Christmas, I got an email from her notifying me that there would be a Christmas Celebration at NCTU.  It wasn’t until then that I realized these people I met in the summer were Christians.  At the Christmas Celebration, the speaker talked about how life is like a race, and he asked, “What is motivating you to run? How satisfied will you be when you get to the finish line?  What is the ultimate meaning of life?”  At that time I worked every day until 11:00 PM.  I had thought that getting into a big firm meant I would find that sense of security and better opportunities for me to advance in my future career. But I ended up feeling very tired both physically and emotionally.  I did not have any time to spend with family and friends.  I was impacted and touched by the message that night as it closely described my life.

I wanted to continue to get to know these people so I started going out to Friday Night Plus. Through the weekly messages and Course 101, which is a course on Christian foundations, I gradually learned that Jesus is not an illusion produced by religion; he was a real historical figure; that the Bible is not just myth or fairy tale, but something that we can really rest our lives upon.  I came to know that this God cares about what was in my heart and greatly values his relationship with me and my relationship with others.  This God is very different from idols in a temple, which I used to worship only when I had some need.  Course 101 talked about how sin is essentially selfishness and pride.  Initially I thought the term “sin” was too severe.  Because I had gotten used to conflicts in life, I didn’t think there was any problem with tense relationships (or that there was any problem with me). From Course 101, I learned that sin is so serious that Jesus couldn’t just simply tell us to stop making mistakes, that we couldn’t simply resolve not to be bad anymore.  I had tried to be an easy-going, good and gentle person. But in reality these were often just fleeting thoughts in my head that quickly disappeared before it came to fruition.  My temporary friendliness quickly ran out of steam and my true self would return to reveal its true colors.  The consequence of sin is that Jesus had to die on the cross.  If every sin deserves its just punishment, then, isn’t it true that my acts of evil also put Jesus on the cross?  The cross also demonstrated God’s love for us because when Jesus bore the consequence for my sins, I was able to receive forgiveness. Romans 5:6-8 says, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus’ unconditional sacrifice and love for each of us far exceeded our love for others, which is based on personal preference and an evaluation of how someone can benefit me.  I have never experienced such love before.  From the Bible, I also learned that every person is precious in God’s eyes.  No matter how messed up I am, he is still willing to draw near to me.  It came to a point when I realized that if God loves me this much and is also willing to forgive my sins, then he is a God who is worthy to follow. Therefore, at the Winter Retreat, on March 1, 2009, I surrendered my life and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

Now my worldview is more down to earth.  I know there is more to life than career and ambition.  When society chases after some new trend or fad, I don’t have to feel so confused, because the Bible guides me down a path towards a rich life.  I know that in the end, money, career and appearance are not reliable, but that I can rely on God’s word for my life.  I also finally saw people around me and friends I had lost touch with clearly. They are no longer competitors, but people that I need to learn to care for. In the past I was often bothered by what others thought of me, now I remind myself not to be so calculative about what I can gain in any relationship, but rather learn this kind of forgiving, embracing and accepting love from God. I want to learn to pray more and to trust God.  I want to continue to study the Bible, and allow God to be Lord over my life, not just in what I say, but to learn from my friends at church how to joyfully give, to care for family, friends and coworkers.

Growing up, I only knew of two things: to be successful in life and to find happiness. I believed that in order to get through life, we need to be “strong”: strong against the tragedies that happen in your life, strong against things that can put you down, and strong against the possibility of being involved with any form of trusting or loving.  There cannot be love, there cannot be sorrow, but just simply a forward-thinking attitude to live for tomorrow.  Growing up in an environment where mortality is just a volcanic eruption or typhoon away, I did not believe in a religion that can ease all the pain of loss.  I learned to be stoic and to not be affected by the emotions of life–because that would simply drag us along the way.   I learned how to move on, to do your best in all that you can do and to not involve myself in anything that does not benefit me. My family considered Christianity marginal so that I can go to an exclusive Christian school in the Philippines in hopes of getting a recognizable place in society in the future. I knew from then on, I did not belong in this place, because everyone carried a highly-cultivated demeanor, representative of their affluent family backgrounds.   I was simply a son of a cook and an office clerk.

I believed that if you want something out of life, you gotta go and get yourself.  I did not need anyone telling me what I need to do, because in my mind I was not doing anything wrong.  As long as I got everything that I wanted, it was all fine.  Yet, despite all of that I’ve gain from the world, there’s something definitely wrong with my life.    Every morning while I lay awake–times when I was alone–I felt very lonely.   There was such an empty void in my heart.  I felt like something was missing.  I wanted to go back to the default setting: “go get it yourself.”  I sought to fill that void in my life in the coming years.

Eventually, my family decided to send me to California to live with relatives, whom I had never met and replant myself there.  At 13 years of age, I’ve only seen English in the context of media, and the idea of a God was just starting to sink into my life.  Having never met most of my extended relatives, I didn’t think they would care about me at all.   Deep inside, I cried, but I knew I had to be strong.  I knew I just have to put myself together and put my life together so that I can one day prove to them that I am worth something.  I knew that all this bitterness and pain will ease away as long as I accomplish a lot of things in life.  I set my sight to doing well in school, in my work, in everything.  I learned how to plan ten steps ahead of time to get what I wanted.  I learned to fill out my parent’s income tax, apply for 100 scholarships to not have to pay for college, to read two books a week to master my English,  to work three jobs so that I do not have to depend on my relatives incomes, to do every single community service activity to get into college, to run 10 miles a day to forget about my life, to take every single hard courses at school, to not depend on anyone so that I can be respected, to not befriend anyone to devote all my time to work, to calculate my life expectancy, to figure out how I am going to die with ease, to not get into anything that did not involve my getting something in return.   Yes, I became successful.  It felt great to fan the flames that were chipped into my heart.  I maximized everything and made every single pragmatic effort to make use of every area of my life, being driven by my bitterness towards life.  But deep inside I always had an empty feeling that flow through me intermittently.  I started to develop a hard shell towards others and the people that tried to show friendship.  I hated God, I hated my life, I hated the people around me.  I became a rebel.  A rebel without any cause.   I felt lost.  I did not feel like I belonged anywhere.   And to make things worse, my grandmother, who was my source of hope at that time, became ill and soon passed away.

Coming to college, I wanted to escape from my past life.  To start anew.  I did not want to do anything that deals with relationships, giving to others, and especially God.  I became so embittered by my past life, that I just wanted a life on my own, shut away from the distresses of this world.   The last thing in my mind was to seek God.  But, I soon encountered two people that became my future small-group leaders.  One of them would always call me to invite me to Wednesday night dinners and Friday night Bible study and sports nights.  But, it always left me so confused and apathetic.  I would always ask myself:  “Why the waste?  Why the waste of their time spending it with college students like me?  Why don’t they just spend it on living their lives in comfort since they’ve already graduated?  That’s what I would have done.”   Rubbing lives with them melted me.  For how they lead their lives put to shame my selfish, bitter lifestyle.

My defining moment came during the winter retreat, as Pastor Ed gave a message on pretenses and masks quoting the Matthew 5:21-23 (“Not everyone will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that, ‘Lord, Lord,’ did we not prophesy in your name, and in you name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then, I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” This was solidified during devotional times on I Corinthians 1:13 (“if I give what all I possess to the poor…, but have not love, I gain nothing”), I realized that without love and without confessing to God who I really am and become pierced by His word, I am simply like a chaff being blown away by my wickedness and sinfulness (Psalm 1). And then, the SWS messages began to speak directly to my heart each week.   Shaking it off as coincidence, I came to the following week’s message.  I thought, “This can’t be.  This pastor does not know me and yet he speaks of things I struggle with.”  So I gave it one more shot, I went to the next week’s message and the week after that.  Pastor Ed gave a message during Easter Service, on how God has reversed the destruction that sin has brought in humans through Jesus.  I thought, “He knows my heart.  He knows my pain.  He knows my emptiness.”  But, I realized that it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, beckoning me:  “Come just as you are. I know the trials you’re going through.  I know the sins of your past and all the emptiness of your soul.  I love you just as you are.  Fix your eyes upon me,  and I will fill that void within your heart and give you hope, peace, and rest. Without your vertical relationship with the Lord, you are nothing.  No matter how much the world sees you as successful.” I remembered that night  I prayed a prayer of forgiveness.   I felt the Holy Spirit cleanse me of my sins.  I needed Jesus to come to my rescue that this world truly has nothing for me.

For so long, I had an intellectual understanding of my sinfulness and God’s gift of salvation, but I was so impatient and unfaithful that I did not let God’s word grow through me. From Matthew 13, I was the seed that fell on rocky soil, who simply hears God’s word but last only a short time and the seed on thorny soil that had choked God’s word with the worries of life. Until now, God’s been waiting for me patiently for me to realize this. The voices of accusation and condemnation that trouble me are silenced by Jesus’ cross, and it is done. Even though I am nothing to this world, but to Jesus I am everything; I am redeemed, loved, accepted, not alone, free, chosen, adopted, restored, enough, baptized in His blood, part of His family, and awesome in His way. And because of Him I live.

After becoming a Christian, I wanted to seek who this God I’ve been learning about really is and how He works through people in mission trips.  Somehow, I saw my place in this world, as a Christian that lostness is really out there, everywhere.  For the first time, I saw people not as just people functioning in this world, but as souls that need to know the Gospel.   All the people around me became a chance for me to love, to drop my own self-seeking attitude, and speak from God’s heart.  In serving God whether in ImpACT or in anything, I don’t have to ask myself why I have to always wrestle with my defeatist attitude and my unloving.  It’s because it’s for Him, and what He did on the cross is more than enough for me.  When I deserved to die in living a life of senselessness and ignorance, He died for me to save me.  When I deserved the prosperity of the wicked, He drew me closer when my life was about to crumble, when I was so burnt out from living a life of senselessness that I just simply wanted to die.  Being able to find joy in serving Him, I totally do not deserve, but He’s given to me.  I’m humbled by the fact that God can use an outcast like me. My idols of success in this world will never pay-off, but the more that I release my desires and wrestle with my sins the more that I enjoy what God has planned for me.  Psalm 73:25 “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  Jesus Christ is more than enough.

I was born into a Christian family. My grandmother, deep in her faith, led us all to church every Sunday. Both my parents were baptized in this church; My mother joined the choir and my father became the general affairs manager. So even though I wasn’t the pastor’s son, I was probably just as involved in my church. I grew up in the church, becoming familiar and comfortable with activities like vacation bible school, Sunday afternoon prayer meetings, and Friday night youth group. I knew the bible stories and I knew the memory versus, but there was one problem. I didn’t know God. I didn’t understand what being a Christian meant and what it entailed. I thought in order to go to heaven all you have to do is go to church every Sunday and read the bible. In retrospect, I feel that in these years of my life I had my ‘faith’ spoon fed to me, and thus never had a chance to really contemplate and discover it for myself. I went to church for social reasons and family pressures. I read the bible and did quiet time because my youth leader told me to. I went on retreats out of peer pressure. I was a surface level Christian and my faith was a deception to others.

Then I entered high school, and my spiritual life got even worse. In my sophomore year I took a European history class, and in it we discussed the origins of Christianity. It was only then that I began to question my faith and my reasons for going to church. I came to the conclusion that I had no good reasons for being Christian, and that the Christian life style was full of hardship and struggle with no room to enjoy life. I felt like this whole time by going to church and doing the activities I was lying to myself, not being true to who I was. I wasn’t a Christian, and nor did I want to be. I decided that I was too young to be bogged down my Christian ideals and that I wanted to experience and enjoy life.

School became boring and unchallenging, so I got involved in the party scene. Every Friday and Saturday night I would go out with friends to someone’s house or to a club to get drunk in order to ‘have fun.’ This kept up for a couple months, but eventually I began to feel empty inside. I began to question if all this partying was really fun, or was it just what the world was telling me to do to enjoy life. I felt lost, my life meaningless. I finally realized that the point of life was not to pursue pleasure and build an army of acquaintances. It was around this time I had to decide where to go for college. Originally I wanted to go to an unchallenging college so I could have fun and not worry about my studies, but I realized that that was a stupid idea and I was sacrificing my future for temporary highs.

With the pressure of my parents, I chose to go to UC Berkeley. After I turned in my intent to register form, I began getting mail from various organizations on campus. As I sifted through them I noticed that they were all Christian organizations. I felt that God was calling me, so I promised myself that I would look back into Christianity and that no matter what happens, when I get to Berkeley, I will check out a few fellowships.

That summer I read many Christian books and the bible in an attempt to understand what Christianity really was, but it was difficult doing it on my own and I didn’t feel comfortable going back to my old church. As I read through the bible, The Screwtape Letters, Mere Christianity, among others, I came to realize for the first time that I had been leading a sinful life. Before, when reading the bible, I always felt that it wasn’t very applicable to me. I had never murdered, or committed adultery, or other ‘serious’ sins, thus I felt I was doing ok. However, the bible made it clear to me that I am a sinner, since sin is sin; it is all thoughts and actions that take me away from God. So there is no such thing as small and big or harmless and harmful sin, it is all me being selfish and wanting to control my life instead of submitting it to God. My eyes were really opened and I recognized how much in need of a savior and forgiveness I was, how despicable a creature I was. Isaiah 53 says “Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he as pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” After reading and meditating on that passage, all my intellectual understanding of the cross and the gospel finally penetrated my heart. I don’t ever remember a time when I didn’t believe in God, but he had always been a far off, distant and aloof record keeper who I did not allow to affect any part of my life. But Isaiah 53 made everything real. The weight of my sins, God’s relationship with me, and Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross suddenly became far too personal to ignore anymore. Most importantly the passage made clear to me the pain God suffers because of my sin. Taking to heart that God actually gets hurt by me helped me to finally frame our relationship as one that matters, as one that deeply affects both me and him. My entire life was consumed by sin, and without a true relationship with Jesus, I would continue to be destructive and seek out temporary highs to make me happy instead of drinking from the fountain of life and being satisfied. Without a true relationship with Jesus, I would continue to wander through life, not sure if I’m supposed to chase the world in order to be satisfied. So I asked Jesus Christ to be my personal king and savior of my life. The whole summer was very humbling for me, and I came out really wanting to live a life for Christ, but not really sure about how to do it. I needed guidance and fellowship because I couldn’t do it on my own.

When welcome week rolled around, I went to Calapalooza and wrote my name down on nearly every Christian organization I found interesting or suitable. Then during the next week or two I attended welcome meetings and bible studies to try and find a fellowship I liked. Some I went to were purely social with nearly no spiritual aspect, while others were too spiritual and I felt scared off because I wasn’t on their level of faith. Then finally one of my friends from high school asked me to go with him to ABSK welcome night. I met a lot of guys that night and really liked the message, skit, and worship. I decided to attend more of the meetings, and the rest is pretty much history.

As the school year progressed, so did my faith and understanding of Christianity. Pastor Ed’s messages not only gave me the theology of Christian faith, but also the practicality and how to apply it to life. Then, in the spring, I took Course 101, which showed me a systematic, logical, and scientific approach to Christianity, filling in most of the ‘black spots’ that I had like why would a merciful God allow bad things to happen to good people or why he sends us to hell if he loves us so much.

I think the greatest thing that Christ has given me besides salvation is a purpose for my life. Before Christ I sort of drifted through life, unsure if I was supposed to work hard at building a career, at building a reputation, or chasing worldly pleasures. But now Jesus’ will for me is clear: to love others as I love myself. In my 4 years at this church, I’ve really learned what it means to serve and live for others, and its more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. I’ve also learned what the meaning of fellowship is, both with others and with God. I always thought fellowship was just hanging out with people and taking a break from the more spiritual stuff like sermons and DT, but fellowship actually encompasses the entire Christian life. Fellowship in sharing, fellowship in hard work, fellowship in song, dance, and shamelessness, fellowship in food preparation, fellowship in the word, fellowship in love and sacrifice; these are all things that God has revealed to me in my short time as his follower. This new life in Christ is not easy, and the constant struggle against my independence and selfishness has been discouraging at times in my walk. But I know that Christ who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until his day. Living with my peers at “Pac-house” and serving in Joyland are things I am still surprised I can pull off, but I know it’s because of God’s grace that a sinner like me can part take in his glory.