The most wonderful thing

Submitted by Olivia…  (Olivia is in the middle of the front row, with the yellow wrapped flowers)

I was born in a very traditional family in Taiwan, and was very accustomed to burning incense to thank Buddha and ancestors for blessing us with peace and a comfortable life during Chinese New Year or other holidays. Whenever we encountered uncertainties or challenges beyond our abilities, I would instinctively go to a happening temple to burn incense, asking the deities to bless and protect my family. I thought Christianity was just another religion and Jesus just another god, but He is not the god that I believed in.

My parents are very hard-working and down-to-earth. They taught me that I should be nice and courteous to elders, and also study very hard because studying was the biggest investment I could make for my future and the only way to get a good life.  I studied very hard because the importance of education is highly emphasized in Taiwan, and all the more because I knew I was not as smart as my older brother.  As a result, I have been an honor student since elementary school, which made me very proud.  I looked down on my classmates and started to push some out from my circle of friends because they were not good enough. I was very proud at that time and thought I was invincible.  This got even worse after I started junior high school. I just wanted to make friends with the smart classmates.  What I failed to notice was that I ended up with fewer and fewer friends. After junior high school, I was admitted to Taichung Girls Senior High School, which is the best all-girls senior high school in Taichung.

Strangely enough, even though I was eager to put behind my junior high school life and looked forward to my new life at my dream senior high school, all of a sudden my insecurity overcame my pride in this highly-competitive environment.  Most of my classmates were smarter than me so I began to question my own competence and feel worthless.  I had looked down on my classmates before, but now that I was no longer the number one student in class (in fact, I was below average in class), I started feeling that other classmates would look down on me as I did to others before.  As a result, I stopped trying so hard academically, and turned my attention to clubs at school.  Because I lost my confidence, I was transferred from honor classes to normal classes.  Thereafter, I focused even more on my club participation and had a very weak academic performance.  At that time, I was very extreme and unhappy. I cared very much about how others perceived me and so I started getting competitive with other classmates in terms of our relative popularity among the younger ones in the clubs in the hope to gain some consolation from others’ approval. I didn’t do so well on my college entrance exam and couldn’t go to Taipei for college, which was my childhood dream.  Instead, I went to NCKU in Tainan. I felt hopeless.  There was nothing to look forward to in my life, and I didn’t want to make any new friends.  I isolated myself and I couldn’t find any purpose for my life.

Sometime before my 20^th birthday, I felt the need for a change.  I went to Yellowstone National Park for an internship for three months. At that time, in my department, I met a woman from California named Sonja.  She was amazed that I went to the States all by myself.  In the next three months, Sonja and I became really close. Sonja and her husband Bob would even invite me over to their RV for dinner and pray before every meal.  At that time, I was fascinated by prayers or talking to God.  I just felt this was part of American culture. But what I couldn’t understand was why they were so kind to me – a person whom they had just known for less than three months and why they would thank God for bringing me into their lives.  I just thought that I was really fortunate and I even reasoned that it must be my extroverted and likable personality that made them like me so much. I contributed everything to my personality and luck at that time.

After that, I kept in touch with them in my junior year and they even mailed me a Chinese Bible. But I was very rebellious and did not even bother to open it.  I was very grateful for their kindness to me, but I did not think it had anything to do with Christ, but now I can see that God really wanted me home.  Towards the end of my junior year, I met the summer mission team from Gracepoint Berkeley who came to NCKU for cultural exchange.  It was right around the time for finals, and most people were busy preparing for finals.  As for me, I just did not want to deal with schoolwork or friends from my department so I applied to be one of the helpers. To my surprise, everyone from Berkeley seemed so nice and genuine. I had thought people from prestigious schools would be very proud.  They invited us to their Gospelfest. I brought a lot of my friends with me. We were all touched by the skit in which the main character continued to pursue different components of success as defined by society – education, career and love, but he did not know why he was pursuing these things.  He only knew that everyone was pursuing that which represents success in this world.  I was very intrigued by the skit and started getting interested in the God that these Berkeley friends were talking about.  So, in my senior year, I often went up to their Hsinchu church to learn more about Jesus Christ, whom they claimed to have impacted and transformed their lives.

After that, I started to attend Friday Night Plus and Sunday worship service from time to time, and also took Course 101 with Esther Wang.  I discovered the reason why I was proud, unhappy and insecure.  Intellectually, I became more familiar with the Bible and who Jesus is, but I just didn’t have the conviction to become a Christian and I didn’t want to become a person who only talks about Jesus all day long.  I attended the winter retreat in late February 2009.  From the pre-retreat message on four soils, I started to recognize that I lived a double life: I am one person in Tainan and another in Hsinchu. I was happy to hear Eugene’s messages whenever I came up to Hsinchu and thought the messages made sense as these messages exposed the kind of selfish and proud sinner that I was.  However, I just did not think I could become a devout Christian because I did not want to care or sacrifice for others.  Besides, I am a Taiwanese and grew up burning incense in the temples; there was no way I could believe in Jesus Christ. Sometimes I even thought that the church just wanted more people to become Christians so that they could serve at the church, and make the Hsinchu church bigger. Therefore, I didn’t have any intention to become a Christian. Although I started to realize that I am a sinner and I have been a sinner since I was born, to me it was very foolish to not be sinful.  I recognized that selfishness is a sin, but I could not help but be selfish. After Eugene finished his messages at the winter retreat, he concluded by saying, “This is the most beautiful and wonderful thing that I know in this world.  We are not trying to lure you to join our church. We just want to share with you the most wonderful thing that we know.”  I was overwhelmed by what Eugene said and started to wonder how Eugene knew that I thought they just wanted to lure me to become a Christian.  At the same time, this reminded me of Bob and Sonja, who have told me the same thing before, that is, they wanted me to receive their most valuable gift in this world, that is, Jesus Christ. And then I realized that I should not continue to live a double life and maintain two sets of value systems.  After some struggles, I decided to become a Christian and let Jesus become my personal Lord and Savior. As said in Matthew 7:24-24, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

I want to be a person who builds my house on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  I know that I am a sinner through and through because I knew I am very proud and selfish.  If Jesus didn’t die for me on the cross and grant me my salvation, I would not be able to experience and enjoy the love of God and of other sisters and brothers. I am so grateful that God used different people at different times to reach me, hoping that I could find the way home soon. I am so thankful that God has given me a new life and identity, and let me have so many sisters and brothers to support me in my life.