These past few days I meditated on what’s the most drastic way my life has changed because of God and it would be becoming part of His community.  Coming into college I was very withdrawn from the world, I was so used to retreating into books, my thoughts and my studies to drive the reality of my life away. I had been miserable for a long time due to mostly what seemed constant family problems and financial worries. My coping mechanism was to bottle things up and ignore as much as I could, to care less and it basically left me this shell of a person because I just wasn’t all there. There is now a strong sense within me that I’m not alone, that I belong, that I can feel at rest and be fully known and accepted.  It’s not so much about my steps of faith but about people’s faithfulness to me. God protected me in ways Ill probably never know, he brought many people into my life to be there for me, help me, and show me his love and care. I can only marvel at how God has led me all the way, and I’m filled with a sense of gratitude that I’m loved this much.

My first impression of our church was through Chris Gilling and David Tung who lived on my dorm floor freshman year. I had a general impression that everyone was really nice but it was through Chris and David that I had that first small glimpse of that a sense of community. They opened up their ‘home’ to us. That small dorm room with two loft beds and the futon and table where they drank tea and played board games. I appreciated their willingness to love us and give of themselves. Even simple things like coming over everyday and asking us how our day was, telling us jokes and helping us when we needed it. I remember Myra Dharma asking me questions to get to know me and even a simple thing like how my day was caused me to pause a long time because I couldn’t remember the last time someone asked me that and I didn’t know how quite to answer it. I didn’t talk much that year but I did try to listen. It was through small group times with Myra and Emily that I was able to express and think about those important questions such as the purpose of my life. It must have been difficult for Chris, David, Myra and Emily since all the effort for a relationship was all on their part I just showed up to things but never fully let myself feel at home in their presence.

That sense of being an outsider has carried over from my past and kept me from fully embracing my true identity and accepting grace and love from others. It’s not because the fact that I’m of a different race but I couldn’t see how my burdens could be understood and carried by others. I was too wrapped up in my own problems and hurt to ask for help and lean on others. However, it was through Pastor Ed’s messages and reading the bible that I was able to accept myself as a sinner and understand God’s love and began to trust him more. I started to take small steps of obedience to get out of myself and open up to others and was able to receive wisdom and love. I remember so many conversations with Emily, her countless prayers for me and her patience in helping me figure out what was wrong. I know she has loved me because of her faithfulness to God and because I was shown God’s love I too wanted to love others although it was hard for me.

Some of the greatest points of clarity have come from my interactions and conversations with others as I tried to sort out my struggles and emotions. It has been their voice of stability and truth that I learned to trust and recognize that they understood and wanted to help me. It has been dt sharing with peers and their stories from how they tackled their own pride or insecurities. Its meeting up at a café to talk with a peer during a time when I was so full of self pity over my family’s brokenness and her telling me you know you’re not the only broken family in the world and also reminding me how lucky we are to live in America. Its been confessing to my leader how frustrating it is to struggle over the same things over and over again and lamenting over my wrong motives or major character flaws and her leading me to the word of God and giving me practical advice and prayer. There have been so many conversations like this that helped me to finally act and move forward in my faith.

One of the hardest yet life changing struggle this year has been growing in my relationship with others. As I was finally able to live with peers, (8 to be exact) and getting to know more peer sisters I recognized the absolute importance of sharing what’s going on in my life. What is going on in my heart and in my mind because life is hard and there is always something to talk about. I have prayed much more this year not just for myself but for others, and in the process of opening up my life I’ve experienced being immersed in theirs and having a greater sense of fellowship as sisters in Christ. All the perceived differences and assumptions I made now seem so small and petty. Yes we are very different but what draws us together, is our love for God and the desire to be discipled and serve him. I struggled a lot this year with letting down my guard because I was trying to protect my heart and trying to act very competent. I had to learn to be a lot more honest rather than letting insecurity paralyze me from being known.

Spending time with my peers and engaging in conversations was what finally brought change. It was through many late night conversations when we talked about how the word of God spoke to us or shed some light on our past and the struggles we are dealing with now. I recognized now that Pastor Ed’s messages pierced me so often because of the universality of emotions and scars from sin. We all know how it feels to be hurt, misunderstood, judged, angry, frustrated, disappointed and burdened.  Our experiences may be very different because sin might manifest itself in so many ways but at the core the root issues are similar. I am a sinner in need of grace as much as everyone else.  After all the time I spent together with my peers I felt so much more comfortable, simple things like cooking random meals and making fun of each other to asking for help and a willingness to listen and pray that I found that sense of ownership for one another grow. I’m sure God brought my peers and I for a reason and I see now I had been missing out on the powerful strength of our relationships. They can be the voices of comfort and love, of truth and correction if I let them in my life. I can’t recount the ways they have shown me patience and care time and time again.

During the recent disciple retreat Pastor Ed gave some applicable advice that I wished I had understood a long time ago. He said just because someone doesn’t understand you doesn’t mean they can’t give you good advice. This helped me because I always struggled with feeling misunderstood. He also commented that its through relationships you can conquer sins. Your kidding yourself if you think you have the willpower to say no to sin but its that bond from relationships that stems from being committed to people and the shared history that will bring you back when you are tempted to sin. I had perceived relationships and struggling with sin in two different categories instead of viewing it as integrated Christian life. I felt so encouraged to continue my struggle to be fully committed to others and make them part of my life. I feel more than ever now that this is the place God wants me to be. I can let my burdens down and finally rest no longer so fearful of being seen as a sinner or getting hurt or ‘not fitting in’ but looking forward toward the life God has called us to live. I finally understand the heart cry of God he mentions so much in the Old Testament, “You will be my people and I will be your God.” Indeed we serve a great God and there is no other way I want to live but deeply rooted in community, filled with a greater sense of identity as God’s people.

But as I sat there watching and laughing at the various Thanksgiving Celebration acts, I thought, “How true!”  Our church family, as we get bigger and bigger, still has that down-home in-house family kind of feel that is so rare, that even the youngest of our children pick up on it.  And this past weekend, we were able to share that with over 1100 people who attended our service!

In case you are suffering from sensory overload, I wanted to recap some of the highlights from yesterday.

-  The hymn “There is a Fountain” with the various sharings on why people are thankful for their salvation from the Thanksgiving Dare blog.  The hymn was written by William Cowper after he recovered from a temporary mental illness and he came to real­ize how God can erase the stain of any sin.  Thus those powerful words, “There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;  And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.”

-  The 3rd installment of the Grumpy Old men talk show with interviews from our very own whippersnappers!  So cute, so precious their sharing.

-  The message on the transforming power of gratitude prepared Saturday day and night so that it would be fresh out of the oven (like our turkeys, hams and roasts were).  How gratitude infuses you with energy and washes the toxins in your heart away and makes you feel like you can do it all over again.  How gratitude is truth acknowledged, and how gratitude expressed has the power to transform any situation into a personal relationship-forming moment as you express the truth of what is going on.  And how blessings are received only through gratitude expressed, and that this is just one way we can relate to our Heavenly Father, through thanking Him!  Thank you Pastor Ed for your powerful messages!

-  The recorded sharings from the Thanksgiving Dare blog, played after each stanza of “For the Beauty of the Earth,” sung by our praise band, some of the sharings recorded at 12:55pm right before the service, that gave voice to the gratitude that we feel in our hearts for all the blessing God has showered us with.  Thank you Sunny for sharing all the way from Austin!  It was good to hear your voice!  And thank you Kelly for the thought and planning that goes into not just this special service, but each Sunday service we experience.

Well, that’s just a bit from the service itself, not recounting the stuff that went on before and after, and the nights before, but I’ll let the pictures tell the story there!

Coming from California (Go Bears!), I knew football was big in Texas. However, what I experienced on Saturday for Koinonia’s UT vs. Texas Tech game viewing was simply incredible. The 605 house which was purchased just this year was jam-packed with over 100 people, all donning burnt orange shirts in support of the UT football team. Perhaps part of the shock the staff experienced from the large turnout is due to the fact that as Pastor Manny often says, “As people from California, we’re not used to having a winning football team so people just don’t care as much.” Maurice and Brian were manning the 6 foot BBQ grill (which was a gift from the c/o 2005 brothers) right in front of the house where the smell of grilled hamburgers and hotdogs permeated everywhere and created a festive environment.

I was in the kitchen with Sunny and other staff preparing food for the BBQ, and every time I looked up I saw more and more students streaming into the house, many whom we hadn’t seen since our welcome week activities. What seemed like mere minutes, the living room was completely filled, with a buzz of excitement in the air as people mingled and got to know one another. It was hands-down the most happening tailgate party in Austin.

Pastor Manny led two icebreaker games which allowed everyone to get acquainted and then we all moved to the first floor garage for the meal. Shortly after that…it was game time. Right before kickoff the students chanted, “Texas! Fight!, Texas! Fight!” and after each big play the room erupted into cheer – people jumping so much that it felt like the house was literally moving. During halftime, the students were entertained by the newly purchased games that were strewn throughout the house – the basketball arcade, Foosball table, darts, and a ping-pong table.

As the victory was in hand with UT pulling out a 34-24 win, many students went away happy and were glad that they had come to our event. The staff were in awe of what we had just experienced and full of gratitude for the perfect provision of the house which was used in the exact way that we had envisioned it to be. It makes me personally grateful for our church and all the people back home who sacrificed so much to help purchase this house which will be utilized for years to come for our ministry. It’s a reminder that we’re not alone here in Texas because we have people who pray for us and support us in every step that we take. I can’t wait ’til the UT vs. Cal game in a few years!

I can’t believe it’s only been about two months since Daryl and I moved to Austin. It’s been a whirlwind with Welcome Week, NSWN, DC outreach, Tex-Connect, LIFE groups…and just when I think we have some down time, we’re gearing up for our next event! I knew that coming to Austin would be a big change for me – I’ve spent the last four years in Gracepoint Berkeley’s Praxis and served in the children’s ministry for most of that time. I’ve never really done college ministry before, so of course, I was filled with anxieties about how the students would respond to me and whether or not I’d be “too old” or “uncool” in their eyes.

I knew that coming to Austin would also mean that I’d have to come out of my comfort zone – the familiarity of being around people the same age as me, living in the Bay Area, and being a part of a big church full of talented people. Things have been busy, but as I look back on these two months, I see that through my time in Austin, God has been giving me the opportunity to experience Him in a new way. Austin has really become that fresh start for me – new ministry, new relationships, new city – and I’m amazed that God would want to include me in this exciting part of His story. I’ve been thinking a lot about the DT on Matthew 9 from this past week, where Jesus said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.”

The harvest has indeed been plentiful at the UT campus as God has been bringing many students to our Bible studies, Sunday services and LIFE group meetings (picture above). At times, it’s difficult to not feel overwhelmed at the work that needs to be done here, but honestly, it hasn’t felt like work to me. I’ve been able to experience the joy of hanging out with Pastor Manny, Sunny unni, and the other staff at 605, eating, laughing and working on curriculum for our C101 modulars. I’ve been able to help out with food for Fridays, Sundays, and Wednesday and Thursday LIFE groups – I’ve never cooked so much in my life! And our Friday nights are always filled with fun activities after TFN, whether it’s playing Password or some other group game, having gym nights or going to Culver’s to just hang out over custard, french fries and onion rings.

Although the work can seem unending, it’s been such a joy because I get to do life together with the team. And I feel so privileged that God has entrusted me with His good work and I am reminded that only through the cross am I able to experience this kind of fellowship with others on the team, as we try to reach out to college students who are just like how we once were. I’m really excited to see what God will do this year, as we have a steady group of freshmen who have been coming to LIFE groups and a core group of sophomores who want to take their spiritual lives seriously and get discipled by the staff. It’s exciting to see how even in the midst of this partying and drinking culture, God is using us to be that city of refuge to the “blind, oppressed, poor and imprisoned.”

Wanted to share this with NSWN right around the corner….     This past weekend (Sept 2008), I attended Gracepoint Fellowship Church’s New Student Welcome Night for the 15th time since I graduated college! And it never gets old. We do the same skit every year, but it’s still hilarious. It’s the same people grilling more and more meat. This year, we marinated and grilled 1200 pounds, led by Jenny and Mark. I was very proud of our Praxis Department (both SF and Berkeley) and our Element students, who were the hands and feet for both NSWNs. The youth and a few px members were out there for 6 hours grilling the meat in 90 degree weather! Without complaints. We had about 150 people helping, but with the 1000+ people who came flooding into Pauley Ballroom that first night, we needed most everyone at Pauley to register, usher, make bentos, run the video cameras, be security, etc, that we were very limited in people back at Dana House to grill and clean. People were shuttling back and forth in between duties to help out to grill, if even for an hour or 30 minutes. My personal heroes were the 4 trash guys, who basically spent all night long manning the trash cans to make sure that we had new trash bags to line the cans, that people were stacking their bentos and disposing of their leftover food properly and without mess, and recycling the water bottles. Even though I tried to give them a glorious title, like “trash manager” or “trash lead,” I mean, it’s like the guy (who actually was a ruler by the way) who built up the Dung Gate in Nehemiah 3, not very glorious, but done to honor God.

For me personally, it was a picture of the church in action, the church that I grew up in and have grown to love. It’s times like these that show the values we cherish so much and work so hard to preserve. The value of giving it all for kingdom work regardless of MY personal discomfort or my role. The value of living it out together, each man doing his part, but contending as one man for the sake of the Gospel – I saw freshman (graduates from Element) laying down video cables for the overflow, even our Joyland kids helping to make utensil packets and serve ice cream sundaes, the oldest of our leaders grilling and marinating meat late into the night the day before the bbq, members from different departments (ISM, CSUEB, SF) all taking time out to help even though their own NSWN’s were coming up. The value of getting close as we got stressed and overwhelmed, as we were more irritable and needed to work things out with one another, as we cooked together, poked fun of one another (especially John Ko, who still needs his gummi bears to get him through). The values of growing up and training up as we made mistakes trying to use new lights, new software, new video-cameramen and women. And of course, the value of reaching out, as we saw over 1000 new students come to hear this precious Gospel message which has been entrusted to us to share with others. Personally, it was a time to connect with God once again, and to reaffirm why I do the things I do, it’s because I have a great and awesome God. I felt so privileged and thankful to witness and to be a part of what He is doing through our church and what He can do through a group of people surrendered and available and willing to do whatever to honor our great God.

One consistent lesson I receive from mission trips that never ceases to amaze me is the lesson of how much a team of like-minded soldiers of Christ can accomplish in such a short amount of time. Even though we were only there for eight days, we were able to do so much and experience so much. We seriously hit the ground running, arriving at Taipei Friday morning, were shuttled to Hsinchu, where we washed up, started with DT and prayer, moving to DC outreach and ending with presenting “Gone” for Friday Night Plus on campus and fellowship time. For the next week, we made a lot of contacts through DC outreach, sports outreach, dorm outreach; we celebrated our Hsinchu church’s first anniversary, practiced and prepared for Christmas Celebration like crazy; and we spent “down-time” fellowshipping and encouraging our Hsinchu brothers and sisters. No moment was wasted, and I was reminded how it is indeed possible to make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:15, Colossians 4:5) and to operate with that sense of urgency (Isaiah 55:6, Revelation 22:12). My commitment from this mission trip is to carry this conviction that time is short, Jesus is coming, people are lost, and I need to bridge the gap and point the way to the way and the truth and the life. It is important for me to personally sustain this sense of calling and mission in my life. So when I am conducting ministry at USF and at Gracepoint Fellowship Church, I need to do so with that sense of ownership over God’s work.

“Without suffering and sacrifice, there is no salvation of souls.” I along with the rest of the 2008 Taiwan winter mission team suffered little and sacrificed even less. Sure, we paid $1500 and spent Christmas away from family and friends. But we all ate and slept well, and the brothers even got to play basketball as a way to meet students! And for the more fobby members, being in Taiwan was like a fish going back to water. But during our stay the entire team reached a high level of intensity, on par with NSWN mode. Non-stop outreach; hours of praise and special music practices; late nights of skit rehearsal, reciting the same line again and again; prop-making with limited time and even more limited resources. It was exciting to see everyone sharing one heart, not holding back but truly contending as one man for the faith of the gospel (Philippians 1:27). Yet, what we did cannot compare to what Jesus had done first: coming down from heaven to a lowly manger, from the manger to Calvary’s cross, and from a cruel death to eternal glory. “This is love: not that we loved God, but God loved us and sent his Son to be an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). Still, for me personally, seeing what little I gave being used by God confirmed in me that I need to be willing to do whatever it takes to carry out God’s kingdom work. The 1st anniversary message on John 6:1-15, about the feeding of the multitudes, captures God’s heart for missions and our collective experience during our short stay in Taiwan. God wants to take whatever we offer and use it to bless all those around. Together, we poured out our energy, creativity, and heart to put on Christmas Celebration, and we saw God taking that and using it to share the gospel with over 350 Taiwanese students! I see Jesus saying, “When you bring all that you have, stand back and watch what I can do!” Thus, I hope I can suffer and sacrifice anything and everything just for the chance to experience Jesus using me to bless others.

It was like going down memory lane being at this retreat. For one of the sessions, the older ones who were there formed a panel and got to share different ministry stories, lessons learned from our years of ministry, words of advice and encouragement. It was special for me because Ben and I were the younger ones amongst the leads who were there…and as we were sharing our mistakes and stories, I had to give God all the glory and praise for the transforming work that he has done in my life for the past 12 years since I’ve been here at Gracepoint Fellowship. I know that I am the person that I am today because of the sacrifice, love, obedience and perseverance of the leaders who were sitting up there with me. I was really encouraged to see so many interns at this retreat and all so eager to learn and grow. As I saw how eager and excited the interns were to grow in their heart and character, I realized that I need to be all the more fervent about growing myself, willing to take risks and steps of obedience for God, clinging to God’s Word and prayer in the process as I be that example to the interns.

I had such a good time being with our homegroup interns and with my team (Class of ’08 sisters)…and it turned out that a lot of my team members were in my van on our drive back home, so I got to share more of my ministry experiences, personal growth stories, answer some of their questions, give them words of advice knowing full well how they are feeling now as 1st and 2nd year interns, and now being on the other side where I am leading interns…

I just had a good time this weekend; it really fed my soul being with Pastor Ed and Kelly, my older sister leaders, as well as all the interns

————————————————————————————————————————

Submitted by Jeannie… I had the privilege to attend Gracepoint Fellowship Church’s annual intern’s retreat this past weekend. Yes, this picture is just a sampling of the fun we had in the packed three days together. We heard messages from Pastor Ed and Kelly, were inspired and challenged to personally grow in our relationship with God and with each other and in our character, to become a person of integrity and wholeness so that God can indeed “reign in us,” and so much much more. I felt personally so challenged to steward well the trust we’ve been given as a church to spread this amazing Gospel to others.

And in between the sharing and the discussions and the Bible studies, we did good hard work on the land, did a night hike and had a 100+ person bonfire, went kayaking and rafting, sang songs together, had an all-out king kong shower tournament (in which the brothers dominated yes…), played ninja, and had some tri-fold mat gladiator-like fun.

It was a soul-searching, heart-warming, relationship-strengthening, vision-casting, memory-making time, all in the short three days we were there!

Their commitment of love for my family is another manifestation of God’s grace and goodness in my life. I am so privileged and thankful that I could attest to God’s faithfulness through my father’s salvation and passing. This experience has given me a better understanding of God’s love and what it means to take on each other’s burdens. Not only was my father carried, but I was also carried through this difficult time and for this, I am so grateful.

After the video, Pastor Ed and Kelly asked the students to write down what they would like to do in their lives for God with a group of like-minded friends. As the students were writing, I thought about my own visions I’ve had for my life. In many ways, I realize, I am living out the dreams I’ve had for my life. I usually don’t think about my life in this way, and am generally more focused on things that I lack. But sitting there with the students, it was easy to think back to how I felt at their age and it gave me a different perspective on my life. I was reminded how it was so daring for me to even think that I and my friends could live the way our leaders lived, that I could indeed forgo the standard dreams of securing a comfortable life for myself, that I could pour my life out to impact other college students at that most exciting time of their lives, when they are just waking up to what the gospel means and how it could be lived out, just as I experienced. I was so thankful that there I was trying to impact these students in the same way that they impacted me, 14 years ago. Though I haven’t done anything grand in my life, I just felt joy to think that my God-given visions had come true in this way. Even the fact that we are foster parents right now, I was reminded that this is way beyond what I ever imagined for myself, until I saw some of my leaders become foster parents, and our church carried the burden together.

As the students were writing out their visions, some of the younger staff and I were talking about their own visions. I was so thankful for how God has transformed their lives. They were reminders to me of God’s faithfulness throughout the years of our ministry. Here they are, having caught on to the heart of our ministry, committed themselves to God, having grown through many struggles — and who knows how God will use them in the years to come. I was reminded of God’s faithfulness in the lives of those people, and was excited afresh to think there is that same potential in the sophomores for their lives to be transformed by the gospel. Afterwards the sophomores took turns sharing their visions of what they would want to do for God in their lives. I felt that this was a marker of something changing in their midst. As Kelly Kang shared, one of their goals for this retreat was for the students to get to know one other on a deeper level. She said that you can play games together for four years and not really know one other, but she wanted them to have the opportunity to develop their visions, and to find like-minded friends with whom they could dream dreams for God together. I think it will long be remembered as one of those memorable times of their undergrad lives. I was reminded of what a wonder it is that I am here in the midst of this kind of meaningful work, and felt so thankful to be able to be a part of it.