Submitted by Hui… I was born in China to a non-religious family with very loving parents. One of my earliest memories from childhood is this four-letter saying from my dad: “????”, which means that having a successful career is the most important thing in life. I studied hard all the time. Being number one was the only purpose of my life since the first day of my school. I had high standards for many aspects of my life, but when I looked back on my life, I realized that I was seldom satisfied because whenever I achieved one goal, I would immediate set another one and pushed myself to work harder. Before coming to the US to pursue a PhD in Neuroscience in Berkeley, I did not have any difficulty in accomplishing my goals. Therefore, I was really arrogant and I thought that I could control my own life. As long as I worked hard, I was able to get everything I wanted. However, after my husband and I came to the United States over 5 years ago, the language barrier frustrated me very much. I tried to find every chance to improve my speaking skills and I took the English class held by IGSM in the summer of 2005. Amazingly, God used my language barrier to bring IGSM into my life.
Partially because I wanted to practice speaking English, I started coming to Friday Forum in the beginning of 2006. Through Course 101 with Mary Chen, I gained the fundamental understanding about Christianity. The first time that Christianity touched me deeply was when I visited a Christian friend in hospital after her serious car accident. She was wounded seriously, but she kept saying “thank God” instead of blaming God which I thought would be a natural response to that situation. I was really moved by her love and faith in God. Through course 101 and bible study in IGSM, I came to know more and more about the Bible and Christianity. I was often inspired by the enthusiasm of IGSM people and their love for one another. However, I did not feel the need to believe in God until one day, my husband said to me: “If a person has religion, he will not fear death when he faces it because he knows what would happen and where he is going after death.” I was touched by his words and started to think about Christianity more seriously.
For biological research, the most common approach is to propose a hypothesis and then provide a comprehensive experimental evidence to support it. Looking for concrete evidence has become my habit to any truth, including Christianity. Through studying the bible and reading some Christian books, I was convinced about God’s existence finally. Romans 1:20 says “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse”. The Chinese book entitled “Song of a Wanderer- Beckoned By Eternity” (<> in Chinese) also helped me with my questions. The author of this book is a Chinese Christian who also majored in Biology and had similar experiences with me. He lists tons of evidence to indicate that God is real, such as the fine-tuning of the universe, the design of the earth, the beauty of nature, and the mystery of life. At the very beginning of the book, it says: “??????????????????????”, which could be translated as “the existence of God does not need to be proven. It is impossible to prove it by our limited human intellegence.” This sentence really hit my heart. It reminded me of all the nerve cells that I see under the microscope everyday. There are lots of complicated signaling pathways inside a very small cell which looks so simple from the outside. Society for Neuroscience (SfN) in the United States has about 40,000 members. These members are mainly comprised of professors, which means that many of their postdocs and graduate students are not included in this number and yet all these researchers have been trying to understand the brain for several decades, but so far, what we have found out and know about how the brains works is still very limited and superficial. Whenever I think about this, I have to give my awe to God for His intelligent design of life.
After the fall semester of 2007, I had bible study with Sharon once a week. Through Sharon’s patient and inspiring explanation, God’s words made more and more sense to me. However, I did not have a strong feeling about the death of Jesus on the cross because I thought it is God who put the tree of knowledge in the garden, and thus God himself had the main responsibility for the fall of men. Thus, I was not bothered by my sins. In January 2008, I attended the first IGSM winter retreat. On Saturday night, Pastor Timothy talked about Jesus and the cross. He said: “It was YOU who sent Jesus to the cross, not the Roman soldiers nor Pilate”. I was really shocked by this sentence. Pastor Timothy also pointed out that the person who needs to forgive someone actually pays the price for the forgiveness, not the person who needs to be forgiven. God is ready to forgive everyone since His son, Jesus, died for each of us. However, God cannot forgive you unless you truly repent and ask for forgiveness. At that moment, I realized that I needed forgiveness no matter where my sin is from or who should be responsible for the cause of my sins. The truth is that I am a sinner who needed to be forgiven, not only because I’m arrogant, self-centered, and I blamed God for my own sinfulness, but also because of the unawareness of His great mercy of forgiveness and salvation. In the past, I was very indifferent to the cross because I thought that was God taking his own responsibility to make up for human beings’ sinfulness, but now I realized that it is a great gift that God has given me for free. I was so thankful for that. And at the retreat I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Also, through my marriage, God let me find the answer to one of my questions- “why did God give us free will?” A few months after my husband graduated from the business school at UC Irvine, he got a job in south San Jose. Everyday, he had to commute about 3 hours. In order to strengthen his body for the tough job and a long commute, I tried my best to cook a nutritious dinner for him everyday even though I was tired after a long day of work in the lab. I asked myself. “If there is no love coming from my free will, can I enjoy doing this?” “If I just did it as a chore that a wife should do, will I feel that kind of joy in cooking for my husband and will that dinner be something that my husband looked forward to as he was driving back home?” The answer was “NO.” I realized that God wanted me to love him with my free will so that I can enjoy the relationship with him. How great is God’s love!
One big change that happened in my life after becoming a Christian is having the desire to share the gospel with other people and my family. Even though I was financially tight and really busy in the summer of 2008, I went to China to spend two weeks with my parents to share the gospel with them. My husband and I agreed that we can always save money and work harder later, but we cannot delay sharing the gospel when our parents are getting older. Last May, I invited my parents to come to the US for my graduation ceremony and through God’s amazing provisions we were able to find a good Chinese-speaking church for them. One month later, they both became Christians and were baptized. They have become so happy after becoming Christians and reading the Bible in the early morning has become the start of their life each day, especially for my dad. I am really thankful for God’s mercy on my parents’ salvation. Also, from the beginning of this year, my husband and I have been helping a Chinese-speaking fellowship for visiting scholars and students for the church where my parents were baptized. I am very grateful to this opportunity not only because it is a work for God’s kingdom, but also because God revealed what my heart is like very clearly. I saw how my pride was very deeply rooted in my heart and how limited my love was. There were several times in the beginning when I got no responses to my emails or phone calls when I invited them to the bible studies and I became upset and bitter. I often felt that I was wasting my time. When I held my cell phone and hesitated whether or not if I should make a call or what should I say to invite that person to an event, I always asked myself “why am I doing this?” Thankfully, God spoke to me through the bible reading. In Luke 9: 23 Jesus told his disciples:”Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” I realized that the first thing that I needed to do in denying myself is to die to my pride. During the Passion week, I read those chapters that described how persistently Jesus exhorted Peter to feed his sheep after he left. I started to cry and tear up not only because of Jesus’ compassion toward the lost sheep but also because of the overwhelming guilt of my lack of love toward other people. I am thankful to God for showing me my weaknesses and using his word to strengthen me so that I would be able to face them and finally overcome them.
Now I truly understand the Chinese saying “?????” (The people who feel content are always happy). Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:12-13: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” After becoming a Christian, I experienced the peace, joy and contentment by reading God’s word everyday and entrusting my future in His hand. Especially after witnessing a very famous and successful professor in the field of Neuroscience who had to downsize his lab from 20 people to 3 people due to lack of funding, I realized that an academic success is not able to ensure a stable and peaceful life at all. At this year’s church-wide winter retreat, through the directors sharing time, I came to understand that the true joyful and meaningful life is the life that could positively impact others with the gospel. I used to be a tomorrow-worrier, a life-planner and a success-seeker. If anything did not go as what I had planned, I would feel very anxious and uncomfortable. But I hold onto these words that I heard at a church in southern California. “The best way to get though life is to take God seriously but don’t take yourself too seriously.” Counting the numerous blessings in the past 30 years of my life allows me to see God’s faithful love and wonderful leading in my life. Now, I am willing to surrender my life to God because I trust that “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are God’s ways higher than my ways and God’s thoughts higher than my thoughts.” I pray that God will continue to mold and shape me to become a useful instrument for His work.
