In the Father’s home

Submitted by Thanh…

I used to be a very self-centered, bitter, lost boy who tried to be like everyone else at school. Like every other teenager, I pursued popularity, attention and approval among my peers. The desire to fit in was a burden to me, because my family was not the richest of families, nor were we able to afford the “in” clothes that other people at school wore.  That fact made me bitter and discontent about the things I didn’t have.

I considered myself an obedient boy to my mom. I never tried to displease my mom so I never participated in staying out late and hanging out with friends like my brother did. Because I didn’t hang out with friends, I felt lonely and empty.  I tried to fill this void by playing video games and escaping reality but this actually made me pretty lonely at times. My mom and brothers would be out late at night, leaving my younger brother and I home alone. I was always a shy person who kept to myself most of the time.  I bottled up all my feelings inside, because there wasn’t anyone I felt comfortable opening up to.

By God’s grace, he led me to this church through foster care. I have been really blessed by this church and all the aspects in which they are serving God. Even though I’m thankful for all the ministries, the Impact program played a big role in my families life. I’m thankful for its heart for children in Oakland and all the hard work that is poured into this ministry. My sisters used attend the impact program and I recently found out that it was because of that program, my family ended up living with this church. I lived in foster care for five years. Through my sister the Impact leads heard of our situation. Then one day I found my brothers and I living with Pastor Ed for 2 whole years. When I look back on the decision that they made to take my family in I’m just really grateful, because it really shaped my life and made me a better person.

The material I learned in Joyland such as obey your parents and john 3:16 really help me stay an obedient child to my mom. If Joyland hadn’t taught me those things, then I would have probably ended up in jail. Without the help of this church all my brothers and sisters would be most likely be living in bad conditions and who knows what would have happened. In 2008 my brother Vu and I went into foster care again because something tragic had happened at our house in Oakland. Praise the Lord that He helped Amy make the decision to stay with the church for long term. I really feel that he used Amy to be a blessing unto my little brother and I. If it wasn’t for that decision, one I wouldn’t have become a Christian, two I probably would be living with discontentment and bitterness in my heart that all these things were happening to me and third I would of probably ended up on the streets. For a second time, this church heard of our situation through Amy, and they made a second decision to take us in.

At the thanksgiving retreat of 2008, many people gave their life testimonies about how they were before and after meeting Christ. I never would have thought that these warm, loving, and caring people would struggle in so many ways that I could relate to (like depression).  They shared how they saw they were broken in their sins but they were able to humbly come to God, knowing that God would accept them as the sinners that they were. For the first time, I was also able to see myself clearly as the sinner that I was: someone who was full of self-centered bitterness towards my past and was totally inadequate in doing anything about it.  As I heard the testimonies of how people were able to gain love and acceptance from God, I desired the same kind of joy and transformation that I saw in these people’s lives.

As I watched the slides from passion of the Christ, it hit me how my own sinfulness put the nails into Jesus’ hands.  It was through my choices and decisions to reject God that Christ took up the cross and was crucified.  Choices and decisions like desiring to live out the American Dream (and growing bitter when I don’t get it), and giving into temptations like sins of lust and seeking out selfish pleasures and comfort.  Overall, it was seeing how I proudly wanted to live out my own life, my own way, and this was a choice to reject God.  So whenever I chose to live out my own life by my own proud choices, I was slowly nailing him to the cross.

But I also, saw how it was by the cross that I was able to receive forgiveness from God, to be reconciled with him, to be cleansed of my sins, and to have a new life in Christ in which I am able to be loved unconditionally.  I saw how through the cross, all the past bitterness that I had would be healed, and I could experience freedom from all the pains of my past.  Through the testimonies, I saw that God could transform me so that I could love other people, instead of always being so self-focused.

When they made an altar call, I still had doubts about whether I would be able to live out the demands of Christian life, but thanks to Teacher Jason, I received the encouragement I needed to make a decision that retreat.

I thank God for all the sacrifices that this church has made to really support our family. So as I reflect on all that happened in my life. I have come to find that it was God working in my life. I look at it in a new perspective. All these things happened for a reason, God never let me go, from the moment I was born I held me. I rejected him and went my own way, but he was there all along guiding me in this journey known as life even though I was unaware he has been there and is still here to this day till the ends of time.

Now after becoming Christian, I have found true joy in the relationships I have found here at this church. God has given me a new life, my salvation, and genuine relationships with people I can talk to, like my teachers and peers who care about me and to whom I can honestly express myself to.  I don’t have to be fake like with my relationships at school because I know people here will accept me for the sinner that I am.  Since the time I came here in 2008 April, I have been able to build meaningful relationships with my small group. It’s those times that we have sharing that really makes me grateful. The fact that I even have people to talk to about these kinds of things really makes me realize all that I have been given. As I look at those times of sharing this really makes me think of teenagers out there who commit suicide. If they only had someone to talk to about their struggles. They really drives me to serve more and be more open to people at Alameda High and not let insecurities hinder me from the work God has given me to do.

Now, instead of being so self-centered and insecure, I find myself being mindful of others and their needs. I still struggle with many sins, but knowing that I am loved and forgiven, helps me persevere until the day when there will be no more darkness, suffering and pain.  Despite all my past sins, God loves me dearly and wants a relationship with me. I am now able to proclaim that he is Lord to all the non-believers so that they may experience true joy, forgiveness, everlasting life, and unconditional love from the FATHER, as I did. I thank God for his unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy for someone broken like me, and how he has delivered me from the grip of my sinful life.