Wait…

Submitted by David…

In high school I desperately wanted to immerse myself in pop culture by having a girlfriend, going to dances, and partying with my secular friends, and I remember the frustration of not being able give into my desires due to the many safeguards God had placed around me during that time.  Mainly, these safeguards came in the form of my youth group leaders from this church who encouraged me to focus on my relationship with God.  I also had many fellow youth group brothers and sisters (around 15 of them) who happened to attend the same high school as me, which meant constant monitoring of my every move.  At the time the warnings and pleas from my leaders seemed overboard, restrictive, and old-fashioned, and I couldn’t really understand why they were “having such a cow” over something that seemed so normal and natural.  Everything that the typical teenager at my school did seemed like harmless fun that didn’t have any far-reaching consequences, at least from what I observed.  “Weren’t the teenagers just living out the joy of their youth?” I asked myself.  Again I thought, “Who doesn’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school?  It’s weird not to have one.”  As I at times grumbled and pouted to myself, I distinctly remember going through each of the positive benefits of dating, with the top justification being, “I need to date now in order to learn the ins and outs of relationships so I can become a veteran of the dating scene by the time I find the girl of my dreams.  Then I’ll know exactly what to say or do in every situation; for instance, how to be funny, impressive, charming, chivalrous, and romantic.”

What made my situation even worse was that I was asked out by a couple of girls who I was interested in.  Additionally, throughout those years I turned down offers to go to the Junior Prom and Senior Ball, which was an extremely humiliating and humbling thing to do, given that everyone went and even nerdy guys were able to find dates.  Instead, I would be filling up my wild Friday night with bible study and games like king-kong shower.  You might be thinking at this point, “If you wanted to have a girlfriend so badly and wanted to participate in those activities, what kept you from doing so?”  In large part, what kept me from giving in was the tight-knit community of faith that existed between my peer brothers (i.e., Bryan and James).  We were committed to God and each other, sharing together the battle against peer pressure and the desire to remain pure on our campuses.  During my senior year of high school our leaders formed a discipleship group called “SFC” (soldiers for Christ) for the core upper-class brothers, which was a group that would receive spiritual training and accountability for those who volunteered to sign up.  Our staff even made us personalized military dog tags with our names and 2Tim 2:3-4 inscribed on it, which reads “Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs – he wants to please his commanding officer”.  From that point I knew that there was an intense spiritual battle going on, with high school campuses of America representing one of Satan’s greatest battlefields.  These brothers were like family to me; fellow comrades.  I did not want to betray their trust or cause them to stumble by giving into my selfish desires.  Additionally, I felt a great sense of responsibility as an older brother to maintain the spiritual ceiling of our youth group and did not want to lower the standards for the younger ones.

Upon graduating from high school, a part of me wondered how I would survive as a Christian if the accountability was removed from my life.  I already knew, given the track record of so many older brothers and sisters who went ahead of me that the chances of maintaining spiritual hunger and fervency away from the body of Christ would be minimal.  I faced a tough decision regarding where to go to college since my options were narrowed down to UC Riverside or attending a JC (with the guarantee of transferring to Berkeley if I maintained a 3.0).  My parents, knowing I wasn’t a stellar student, strongly urged me to go with the guarantee of a 4 year university.  However, in the end I decided to attend the JC in order to stay near the church.  This decision proved to be pivotal for my life as I was amazed at the level of freedom I now possessed in college.  Had I gone down UC Riverside, I shudder to think how my fleshly appetites would have been freely exercised, especially given the fact that my desires had been suppressed for many years.  At this point I would love to say that what I learned in high school translated over into college, but it was actually much more difficult because now I felt like I was mature enough to handle and maintain a serious relationship with someone.  Again, my leaders stressed the importance of utilizing these four years to grow in my relationship with God and developing life-long friendships with my peers.  I thought to myself, “Great, another four years.  By the time I have my first girlfriend I’ll be an old, awkward guy who doesn’t know how to relate with any girls.”  However, even though I was a frustrated and impatient individual full of raging hormones, I was too invested into this community of faith where I was taught the word of God, became Christian, and developed genuine relationships with so many people.  I had many times of recommitting my trust in God and being reassured through the word that His ways were higher than mine.

During the most difficult times when the desire seemed too great to bear, I received pockets of encouragement and assurance from God, comforting me and assuring me that this was what He wanted for me.  First, I was informed that one of my longtime high school friends; a girl two years my senior, had broken up with her long-time high school sweetheart, whom she had continued a relationship with throughout her first few years of college.  The news of her breakup was a great shock to me as they were voted in our yearbook as “the couple most likely to stay together after graduation.”  Had it been any other couple the news would not have been significant to me, but they seemed so close and “made for each other.”  Even more, I was saddened by the fact that she was so devastated by the breakup as she had given much of her heart and soul to this one guy for so long.  Secondly, upon hearing that I had never dated or attended a dance in high school, I recall how a couple of my peer brothers from college told me I should consider myself blessed for being spared of the whole dating scene in high school.  They confessed to me how they had many regrets regarding past relationships and how they wished they could erase some of the memories that continued to linger and haunt them to this day.

In retrospect, I thank God for sparing me from the entire dating scene in high school and in college.  I know that had I prematurely given myself over to some poor girl back then I would have caused much pain and hurt in that person’s life, as well as my own.  Also, the current state of my heart today would be a little more desensitized and hardened to a point where genuine love and intimacy would be lost and difficult to attain.  Moreover, I would have missed out on the life-long friendships I have developed throughout the years with upstanding guys like Ray, Bryan, Jeff, David just to name a few.  Even though Joyce and I used to occasionally find ourselves not knowing exactly how to relate with each other, since neither of us have ever dated anyone else, there is a sense of purity and rightness in how we relate with one another.  It’s exciting, fresh, new, and something God had intended for us to have, in addition to the rich blessings of the church.  Had I given into the desires of my past our relationship would be a little more dull, like watching a good movie for the second time (as opposed to the first time), or seeing one of Maurice’s magic tricks after figuring out how it works.

As each year goes by and I see our church grow with so many more undergrads, many of whom I do not know, one of the things I want to tell them is to just wait.  “Wait on God because His intention is not to withhold, but to bless even more.  Read and meditate on the word and develop genuine relationships with peers and leaders.”  Finally, I am thankful for the leaders’ role in my life as they have prepared me for marriage through much prayer and by helping me focus on the molding my character.  They have been instrumental in shaping me into a God-fearing man who loves the word and tries to live a life of integrity.  Because of them, I have been able to experience the manifestation of God’s blessing and His promises being fulfilled in my life.